Sunset Over Pointe Inn

Dangerous Thing

Tell me quickly when you find salvation
And if it rests in the hands of God.
My internal clock is ticking and in my deprivation,
I turn to the things that may cause the gates to lock.
7/11, buy your cigarettes over the counter,
And I will watch Jack smoke, I will take one if he offers.,
I have tried to be good but what is life if it is not gambled
And why must I live that way to feel anything?
Gasoline to my flame, I'm always waiting to combust,
I'll be the fourth of July by the night, I'll take the sweet talk and the lust.
Sometimes I wish my heart was simpler, that I'd simply let it be loved,
But I am a dreamer first, I will only go if you tell me, only if I must.

Two blue whirlpools, please take me into your current,
I don't want to feel this way anymore, everything is hurting,
and I've noticed that it lessens when I'm with you, therefore I've become reliant,
And I'm sorry, I am still trying to learn the weaknesses of that giant.

I am hopeful that this is something but then again I was hopeful before,
And it is a dangerous thing like Elizabeth said,
I am a writer like her.
I bleed in stanzas and I'll damn anyone with the words on my tongue,
Connor, you don't know the work that I do, or the things I have done.
You don't know that it's all in spite of you,
Cowardly man, not even the military could sustain you,
Could not reassure your false confidence,
And yes, my father does still hate you.
You are everything I am not,
And I am glad for that, I will do something meaningful with the things you never brought.
I will turn the loneliness into thoughts,
Rework your unwiring and apply it to my job.
That is the difference, you see, I am resilient despite the parts that I lost,
And I am free now ever since you left me.

It is now February and I can finally see all the things I have left behind, the person I am becoming.
Twenty-twenty, my vision is no longer blurry,
There is a man here who makes my loving feel worthy.
He is a monsoon but he is graceful and he makes me feel less crazy,
And I will love him for however long he will let me.
I can be more like you and I can care less,
But it is not in my nature to feel things lightly,
To not allow my nightly thoughts whisk me into another session of writing.

Don't you see? I have risen from the ashes, the fire was my rebirth.
I dream of better days for him and I on this earth.
I no longer sit beneath the trees and pine about what could be,
I am now content with this life I have, and it is everything.

Everything, everything,
It is not just him but it is me.
I am learning to love her, softly, gently,
I am learning how to make a soulmate out of the one inside me.
Lifelong lover, I will treat you well in turn for withstanding the hell I put you through.
Fourteen years old did not deserve to know hunger
Fifteen did not deserve the self inflicted wounds
Sixteen and seventeen didn't deserve the hollow lovers and tear-stained bedsheets over someone who did not deserve you.
At eighteen, you met him, and I'm sorry,
But twenty never looked this good in my head,
That vision was always blank, and truly, I thought you'd be dead.
I will be your guardian, I will no longer treat your happiness as a bargain,
I will soften the parts of you that I forced you to harden.

Your soul can find peace now, in this place, in this body,
It is a safe place with him and his writing.
I told myself that I would no longer dream after my vision about Pointe Inn,
But things are different now.
I want that farm house,
And this vision feels right, because it is not with a boy who drank Bush and whose words stuck me like pins.
No, it is not with you,
It is with him.