RaYa Snippets

Shubham's Guilt

Trigger Warning: suicide/suicidal ideation

Content Warning: Ram and Priya are dead

----------

"Dad-dead

Mom-dead

Shivi-dead

Ram bhai-dead"

Shubham stared at the piece of paper in his hands. He thought writing out the realities would take some of the grief he felt off his soul, but it instead made him feel worse. Especially when he realized he was partially responsible for the latter three's deaths.

If only he hadn't messaged Shivi and told her to make a fuss at the Sood House. If only he had stopped Sid from hiring goons to set the Sood House on fire. If only he had let his conscience overpower his dark side for once.

But it was too late.

He could still hear Pihu's screams in the hospital when she discovered her parents were no more. He hadn't liked the kid, but hearing her cries reminded him of when his own dad and sister had died, and he discovered his Ram Bhai screaming into his pillow for the pain to stop on multiple occasions.

He could see Brinda and Sara collapse into the arms of their husbands, both of whom were also in hysterics. He could see Meera quietly sitting, a blank expression on her face as she realized her daughter and son-in-law had both succumbed to the fire in a house she should have repaired much, much earlier. He could see Maitreyi weep in Neeraj's embrace, who, despite his assholery, was also quietly shedding tears of his own. He could see Ishaan and Sandy hugging each other while sobbing. He could see Krish cradle Pihu in his arms, trying to console her as best he could while also trying to stay strong himself. And he could see Lakhan stand quietly at the end of the hall, peering into the room where his mother had been admitted after she fainted hearing the news.

Ever since that day, the burden of guilt weighed heavily on Shubham's shoulders. Enough that he decided that he wasn't worthy of living as well.

He smiled bitterly as he picked up the gun from his desk. He had decided that Kapoor Urban Strategies would be the right place to take his life, knowing that the househelp back at the mansion were suffering enough after their Ram Sir and Priya Bhabhi's deaths. It wouldn't be fair to the cleaners employed by the company, but he could, at the very least, ensure that the remaining loved ones of Ram and Priya be spared from seeing his lifeless body. 

He wished he could be reunited with his family, but he knew he'd be heading straight to hell for what he'd done throughout his life.

"It's time," he mumbled as he closed his eyes. His hand shook as he held the gun up to his head and his finger hovered over the trigger. One click, and he'd get what he deserved.

Except, it didn't happen.

A shot rung out, but it didn't kill him. Instead, it hit the ceiling of the room as his hand had been hastily repositioned.

"SHUBHAM, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?" Adi yelled as he shook the younger's shoulders.

"W-why did you save me?"

"First explain what you were doing. Do you know how drastic a decision you were taking?"

"I do! And this was the only solution! Tell me one good reason why I should stay alive. I killed Shivi, I killed Mom, and I killed Ram Bhai and Priya. What else do I deserve other than death?"

"If you were truly guilty about what you did, you'd rectify your mistakes. You'd turn yourself in, you'd tell the cops everything you've done, and you'd rehabilitate yourself."

"The guilt is too strong for me to live."

"And that's what you deserve. You deserve to live in guilt for the rest of your life, but I promised Ram I'd take care of his family in his absence. Even if you didn't think of him as a part of yours, he always thought of you as his family. I'll beat the shit out of you for every mistake you make, but I won't be able to look Ram in the eyes when my time comes and he asks why I let you die."

"You miss him a lot."

"Huh?"

"Bhai was your best friend. Your life practically revolved around him. How are you coping?"

"Like I said, I promised to take care of his family. Pihu and Prachi need me, and I can't let anything happen to them. Me, Brinda, Vikrant, Sara, and Krish won't be able to take Ram and Priya's spots, but those babies need as much love as they can get."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be saying sorry to. Apologize to yourself first for letting yourself stoop this low, and get better. You can't bring your family back, but you can make them proud by repenting your mistakes."

Shubham nodded and stood up from the chair. He picked up his phone and called the police station, putting it on speakerphone.

"Hello, this is Shubham Kapoor. I'd like to turn myself in."

----------

A/N: I know this isn't RaYa (or happy), but I guess you can think of it as them getting justice for at least some of the fucked up shit they went through. I wrote this on Tuesday because I was sad after watching that beginning scene (because genuinely what the fuck) and was also sad that my Shubhu redemption arc dreams failed yet again. Thought I should wait a few days to publish this because I wanted to stay delusional for a couple of more days. Didn't do thorough proofreading and all because thinking about the universe in which this would be true makes me sad, and I'd prefer to live in my delusional world where Ram and Priya are still alive. I have some old works and some random scene ideas that I can (hopefully) put up soon though! Next OS on my other book will probably not be up for a long while because of my schedule, so I'll try to update here more often in the meantime, even if things are less edited and unpolished.

As always, thank you all for the love and support ❤️