STRAYKIDS ONE SHOTS

MinLix /Q/ lonely

Genre: light angst

Top: /

Bottom: /

Requested by: my coping skills

tw/cw: breakdown, loneliness, bipolar disorder, screaming, arguments, toxicity, self hatred, skz as 7 member group, no feliiiixxxx !!

word count: 1300ish

a/n: wrote this in an hour, didn't proof read yayaya

—

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The second oldest screamed at the freckled boy as he kept getting the dance steps wrong. The two had stayed behind upon Minho's request as Felix just didn't seem to be able to get the choreography right and the main dancer was getting upset with him. 

The fake blond's head hung low upon getting screamed at, he wasn't good with handling stuff like this. "Just try for fucks sake, it's not that hard!" His eyes were filled with tears, suddenly feeling blue. "S-sorry.." He chocked out, knowing the older was expecting an apology.

He tsked before throwing a towel at the boy and grabbing one for himself, he then proceeded to walk out with a look of irritation on his face. "You better practice until you fucking faint." He spit out, slamming the door close.

The young male fell to his knees, his hands covering his face within seconds as the tears streamed down his face. What did he do wrong? Why did no one accept him?

Felix knew he didn't stand out in anything, his singing and rapping were average, visuals definitely standard and his dancing wasn't that great either, not to mention his messed up korean, all the group had him for was his deep voice. Without it he'd be nothing;

he repeatedly told himself, sobbing and breathing heavily as he shakily stood up from the ground.

Oh how he wished to be as good as a dancer as his Hyung, to have a beautiful voice like Seungmin and to be able to rap as fast as Changbin, but he couldn't do anything like that. He was average - in every way possible - and it pained him.

He walked over to his phone that was still connected to the Bluetooth speaker and put on one of his favourite songs the group had produced yet, he couldn't compose either. He felt so stupid in a group full of talented people.

That day he didn't return to the dorm, he practiced the whole night in hopes of getting better. He didn't mean to actually do as his Hyung told him to, but he ended up fainting, with no one to take care of him.

—

Honestly, the boy wasn't surprised when he got kicked out of the group, when he got told to go. He wasn't surprised at all. Felix lazily wiped away the tears that yet again strained his cheeks, oh how he wished he never even auditioned. Why did they even take him? The - freestyle - dance he "Performed" wasn't all too good, was it really just his voice that the people liked? Was he really that unlikable?

The leader hugged the crying boy tightly, trying his best to not cry himself as he lost his Aussie friend to the world, but was he really sad? Felix questioned everything at that moment, was he even real? Was all of this real? What if he was just dreaming and'll wake up any second now?

What if this was the universe's way to say he wasn't made to be an idol? If he were to wake up from this bad dream - from this nightmare - he would make sure not become anything like a public figure.

—

The boy sat quietly under a tree, the clear night sky proudly displaying the stars, as he was lost in thoughts. I feel so stupid, why, just why am I like this? Why can't I be talented in at least something, like everyone else? Why can't I learn a simple dance and why can't I learn korean- I'm sure I can't do anything right.

The young boy was frustrated with himself, he looked around at the people that were still outside. The park wasn't as quiet as the male had hoped, but there wasn't much he could do about it. At least they weren't able to hear him cry.

Everyone was out with their friends, lovers even, and it made Felix feel lonely. He had no one to hold hands with, no one to kiss on the cheek - nor the lip - and no one to hug. But the cherry on top was that he wasn't just alone, he was lonely. Completely lonely.

—

"Yongbok." Felix regretted picking up the call as soon as he heard the familiar voice of the cat like male, he regretted it so much. "Minho." "Where's the "Hyung" at?" He immediately asked, upon hearing the younger informally call his name. "Spare it." He sighed.

"Listen, I need you to come to the company, 7pm on the dot. Got it?" "Why?" "Just do it for fucks sake." The words rung through his head, reminding him of their regular fights, somehow Minho enjoyed cursing the younger out more than cuddling his cats.

"'Ight." And the older hung up, not even a "good bye" or "see you later".

—

"What do you need?" "Calm down." "I am calm." Minho gave the blond a side eye as the two were stood in their old practice room. "Whatever, come here." He motioned in front of him as he was staring at himself in the mirror. Hesitantly Felix followed the older's order, step by step coming closer to his Hyung.

He stopped in front of him, closer than intended. "I never said this close, do you still like me or what?" He had a smirk proudly painting his lips as the other blushed, his ears a bright red. "W-what are you saying.. of course not." He tried his best to sound confident but got shy as the older's hands landed on either side of his waist. Felix held onto them tightly, missing the touch of another person, he was desperate for skinship.

"You sure? You're crumbling for my touch, you really do like me, hmm?" He was such a tease, running his thumbs along the younger's waist in a circling motion while staring deeply into his eyes, even when Felix broke the eye contact, he didn't look away.

"Quit staring and tell me why I'm here." He didn't. He didn't stop staring nor did he explain why he called the younger over, he was too stubborn to do what the blond wanted. "Fuck you." Felix wiggled out of his grip, already backing away - ready to go home - when he got pulled back, the older's grip tight on his hips.

"You're not going anywhere, not without me." "Minho, what the fuck is this? Why are you acting so weird? At first you keep getting into fights with me, make me hate myself, and now you don't want me to go? Now that I'm not in the group anymore? You're giving me mixed signals, chose what you want to do and get yourself together." The younger ranted, for once frustrated with someone other than himself.

Minho stared at him again, this time out of shock. Never before had Felix talked back, maybe muttered a curse word but nothing more. 

"Lixie.." The boy looked up at him with confusion, why the sudden change in name? He had never even called him Felix before. "Lixie, I am so sorry, but you are a fucking brat! Don't ever talk to me like that, I don't care if I hurt your feelings! Go die, I, don't, care!" He screamed out, completely losing it. 

His mind kept telling him to stop but the words just flew out, he didn't mean it, he didn't mean any of it. He cared so much for the younger boy, when he saw him break - knowing it was his fault - he too broke down, ending with the two boys lying on the floor crying their hearts out.

They were both lonely, no one understood them, so what if they could be lonely together?

a/n: wtf is this