The Slytherin Who Slithered In [Satire]

Raven-Claw-ing Your Way Out of Trouble: A Guide by Yours Truly

(flashback chapter from agentdoubleoo1)

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre didn't know she could speak Parseltongue until her second year at Hogwarts, conveniently when the rumours of the 'Heir of Slytherin' started to circulate.

Draco Malfoy made it his problem to make sure that everybody suspected her of being more than the shy, pretty and smart Gryffindor.

But it hadn't always been like that.

It used to be lighthearted banter. Harmless pranks pulled on one another in classes. Making putrid faces whenever people brought up the other, feigning mock disgust.

But now, even at the mention of the name Malfoy made Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre make faces, but of genuine loathing.

It started in potions class. Gryffindor and Slytherin were together, and as always, Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre and Draco sat next to one another, whispering behind their cauldrons as Professor Snape droned on.

Draco rolled his blue orbs and mouthed, "Boring." He never made much of an effort to pay attention in class, but more so in Potions than any other, mainly because he knew that Professor Snape would allow it and come up with his own justifications for him.

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre giggled cutely, putting a hand down on her table - but a little too hard. Her cauldron, unlit, jolted slightly, and caught Professor Snape's attention.

"Liddre."

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre herself jolted up, bright aquamarine orbs widening as she realised that she had been caught. They turned different colours according to her emotions, and they were now tinged green in shock.

"Y-yes, professor?"

"What type of potion could I brew with a bezoar?" Professor Snape asked, his voice dripping with a kind of passive-aggressiveness that was unmistakably Snape.

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre shot a wild look at Draco, hoping that he would slip her a hint. He rolled his blue orbs again before breathing, "Cure for Boils."

"Um...Cure for Boils?"

"Wrong," came the instant reply.

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre froze at Professor Snape's answer.

"Bezoars act as antidotes for most poisons. Therefore I can use one to brew the simple Antidote to Common Poisons."

Draco sniggered, covering his mouth with the back of a hand. It was obvious that he had lied.

"Ten points off Gryffindor for not paying attention in class," Snape continued. There came a hushed murmur of outrage from the Gryffindors in the class.

"And another ten points off for getting that question wrong. The first potions lesson ever taught was about bezoars. It's clear that you fail to reach the standards of even a first year."

"B-But-" she protested, though no words formed in her mouth, "Professor-!"

"A further ten point deduction from Gryffindor for talking back."

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre felt tears welling in her eyes and she looked down shamefully, refusing to even look at the rest of her Gryffindor classmates as they clamoured and grumbled.

Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre's small hands tightened to fists as Professor Snape continued on with the lesson. Her eyes flared crimson red as she grew angry.

Pranks like this were normally harmless, but she ended up being the cause of the deduction of thirty house points from Gryffindor in the space of a few seconds.

"...Testing all of you on a simple potion learned in first year - the Forgetfulness Potion," Professor Snape said.

And suddenly, Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre had an idea. Draco needed to pass this in order to prevent his grade from dropping below a C in potions.

"Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre, get me a bottle of Lethe River Water while you're there, will you?" Draco called as Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre opened the cupboard. Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre grabbed two bottles - one containing Lethe River Water, and the other containing plain water.

The contents looked identical. Draco had left his cauldron to get the other ingredients. She added two drops of regular water to his cauldron, before returning to her own and adding two drops of Lethe River Water. She quickly replaced the two bottles.

"I added the Lethe River Water for you already since you were taking so long," Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre said to Draco as he returned with 4 Valerian sprigs, giving two over to her.

Half an hour passed, and Draco leant over to observe Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre's cauldron. "Why is yours such a different colour?"

"You're meant to put three measures of Standard Ingredient, not two," she lied. "Snape said so."

The time of inspection arrived soon after. Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre's cauldron, like most of everyone else's, bubbled orange, while Draco's bubbled a duckweed green.

Snape squinted condescendingly at Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre's cauldron, before muttering a "Satisfactory," and moving onto Draco's.

"Did you forget the part where I told you to brew a Forgetfulness Potion, Malfoy?" Professor Snape said flatly. "It seems that you mistook a regular bottle of water for Lethe River Water. You've failed this practical."

Draco shot a furious glare at Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre, his cerulean orbs darkening in anger. "You are dead, Elsie Ebony Midnight Raven Liddre," he hissed, realising that she had messed with his cauldron.

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probably gonna start posting chapters on a Saturday, and gif i have memes then in the middle of the week.
-fun_lil_read