𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 || 𝐆𝐗𝐆 ||

42

Lydia's POV

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TW: Attempted Suicide, Mention of Over Dose

It's been 3 days since the break in, it turns out it was two drunken men who were then arrested after breaking into a home, and attempted robbery. The two men tried to take a television, laptop, a few other electronics, and Rea's guitar. She wasn't happy about that.

It's break, it's Wednesday and I didn't sleep last night because my sleep schedule has been ruined due to the nights I spend crying over nothing. I am sure my eyes are bloodshot, I covered the bags under my eyes with makeup so they aren't visible.

Right now, there's a possibility of my falling asleep right now but there's too many people in here for me to sleep, some people are very loud.

Unfortunately, I am alone here and not sure when everyone else is going to arrive but I expect it to be soon since many others are entering the hall. I rest my chin on my hand as a numbness formed in my stomach, it's been around for days now and I am not quite sure what I am supposed to do about it.

I have felt like this before, a few years ago and it lasted a year. I wasn't the best, my mind was a mess and my parents were worried sick about me. I pushed everyone away, I didn't speak to Ryan even though he was my boyfriend at the time, he saw something was wrong and he tried o be there for me but I ignored him and avoided him for months. He did everything he could, he gave me flowers, cards, gifts, he checked up on me every day but I continued to push him away.

It lead to everything getting worse, my feelings got worse, my thoughts overtook me and when my parents were out for a few hours, I went to their bathroom and found pills. I took them, I took three bottles and my parents found me on the floor, I was sent to hospital and I almost died, i they found me an hour later i would've died.

My parents kept an eye on me ever since, Ryan stayed with me when he could, he stayed with me at school and he told me he loved me. It hurt him, he was worried, he probably hasn't forgot about it. But I saw the fear in his eyes, the concern in his eyes when he first saw me after i woke up.

I am sure Rea knows about this, she was there with Rachel in the hospital she she will also remember, we haven't talked about it though, we haven't mentioned it once so I am thinking that I should tell her that the feeling is back so she knows. Also tell her about the possibility of me pushing her away.

After five minutes, Rea, Ryan and Luca walk into the hall and I keep my head down until they arrive at the table.

"This teacher kept us back, she's new or whatever." Ryan groaned and I chuckle and nod.

Rea's hand reaches for mine under the table but I pull mine away which caused her to look at me worriedly.

"Can we go somewhere private, we need to talk?" I whisper and she nods. We both stand up and then leave the hall, the hallways aren't too busy but I chose to take us into the music classroom.

It is a silent walk, she stays behind me as the two of us approach the classroom which is empty, I open up the door and we go inside. I sit down on one of th chairs and she sits down beside me, spinning her chair to face me.

"Please don't say anything." I sigh and she nods, "You already know about this but we haven't talked about it."

She hums and suddenly I am nervous, I glance around the room before looking at the carpet.

"A few years ago, I tried to overdose on my mums pills. I was feeling like shit, I thought it was my only way out and it scared me, it scared everyone." I sigh and she took a deep breath and released. "I had this numbness inside of me, this emptiness and it didn't feel like everything was going right. I was upset, I was really miserable, I cried at night, I didn't talk to anyone about it and I pushed everyone away due to these feelings."

"Well those feelings are back, not so intense right now because its only been around for a few days but I know they are getting worse. I wanted you to know this so if I end up pushing you away, ignoring you, distancing myself from you, it isn't your fault. Please don't see me as a different person, please don't treat me differently because of this because it is the last thing I want you doing." My voice was a whisper almost, she sat there and listened though, "I am sorry."

There's a silence between us, she wanted to see if there was anything else I wanted to say but there wasn't. She didn't say anything though, she pulled me to the floor and hugged me.

She hugged me tightly, she rests her head on mine and I started to cry.

"It's okay, it is going to be okay. Thank you for telling me, we can skip next period because there is no way I am doing pe." She whispered and I nod and her fingers run through my hair, "Am I the only one who knows?"

"Right now yes." I answer and she nods nod wiped my cheeks with her thumb and smiled at me.

She kisses me, she kissed me quickly and softly,which made me smile and she kissed me forehead, cheeks, nose, everywhere on my face.