𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐋 | 𝐋𝐔𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐙𝐀

20.

Death, my greatest fear but also something I can't wait to happen. Today was the day it was actually real, that it wasn't some sick nightmare that I've been trapped in. Half of our rural area would be there, and not a single one will sit there and tell me, "I can't imagine what you're going through."

That's not what I wanted, or needed to hear at this moment. I wanted to hear, "Hey sweetheart I'm here, it's okay I'm not gone." In my dear old fathers voice, but instead here I am standing in front of my mirror, in a black dress waiting to go say goodbye to my Dad.

"Hey, Coach called." Luis stood awkwardly by my bedroom door. "What'd he say?" I asked turning around to face him. "When you're free to call him." I nodded my head, "Thanks." He nodded his head and disappeared. I then walked over to my phone and dialed Orions number.

"Hello?" His familiar voice spoke. "Hey Coach." I sadly replied. "Hey Vivian, how are you?" I sighed, "Not good." I heard him let out a sad breath, "Well I got some news if Luis hasn't told you." I stayed silent so he would get the memo to go on.

"You guys get to stay in Eden." A smile cracked on my face, "That's great." I replied. "Hey I'll call you later, I gotta get ready to leave." I sadly spoke. "Yeah, it'll be alright kid, bye." "Bye." I then hung up the phone.

I got my shoes on and then walked down the stairs out to the car where everyone was. Everyone seemed fine, but I wasn't, "Get buckled hon." My mom stated as she started the car. I buckled my seat belt, I was hesitating on saying something but I stayed silent.

I looked out the window, even though it was beautiful outside it felt gloomy to me. I was hoping that'd I will wake up from a bad dream, Luis' hand held on to mine, I didn't have the energy to push his hand away from mine plus it felt nice.

We made it to the funeral place where we were having our wake and it felt even more real seeing his body. "Mom he said he wanted to be cremated." I stated. "Well this is what I wanted to do." She replied, and that really pissed me off. "It's not about you, it's about what he wanted!" I yelled.

"Don't you raise your tone at me." She angrily replied. "Did you even care when he passed? Since I've gotten here you've acted like everything was completely fine when you know it's not!" We gained the eyes of all the workers, Emerson, and Luis.

"I'm sorry Viv-" I cut her off, "No, not a single one of you has either bothered to check up and ask 'Hey are you okay? I know you got dumped and 2 people in your life died so I wanted to check up' the most I ever got was a call from Dad on his fucking death bed!" I yelled, tears rolling.

My mom stayed silent, "No one bothered to ask if I was okay, eveyrone got to move on and say there goodbyes but what about me? I had to say my goodbyes over the fucking phone, to the man who encouraged me to keep fighting every god damn day of my life!"

I then left the place and went outside to get fresh air, people were arriving as I stood in the parking lot. "Hey sweetheart." I few greeted followed by a hug. Holding in everything that I was feeling destroyed me, I just wanted to run and cry. Logan and his family showed up, after saying hi his family went in but he stayed out.

I hugged him, "It's alright." He whispered tightly holding me. I cried into his shoulder, "God I just wish everything was all a dream." I stated. He pulled apart and wiped my tears, "Here let's go inside." He held my hand and we walked inside.

The wake started, and then we eventually lowered his casket. After everyone left to the reception I just stood at where he had just been buried, my family was all at the reception in which I told them I'd show up later.

"God I miss you so much Dad, you're the one I could go to for everything and now you're gone, what am I supposed to do?" I began pouring all of my feelings out. I didn't check the weather so when I felt a slight wet drop fall onto my skin I was confused.