Calloused Hearts

Chapter 3:

You weren't sure what to expect as you made your way up the stairs.

After hanging out with the crows a bit more, and assuring Nina you were fine, you'd decided you should make your leave. You didn't want Kaz to be uncomfortable, or frustrated.

You'd done enough damage.

That's what you kept telling yourself. However, Inej told you that Kaz had wanted to speak to you. Dumbfounded and trying not to let any hope grow, you'd found yourself trudging up the stairs, and now standing in front of his door.

You raised your hand, about to knock, but you hesitated. Was he sure about this? Why did he want to meet you? Was he going to tell you to never come back?

You inhaled sharply. Well, you had to find out. You knocked on the door, "It's me, Kaz."

You heard shuffling, something falling and a whole bunch of cursing from the otherside. You started snickering just as Kaz opened the door. His hair was disheveled, a scowl etched on his face. You immediately straightened, the smirk on your face gone. If you were being honest to yourself...

...you were scared.

Kaz stepped aside allowing you to step in quickly. As he shut the door behind you, you realized that he didn't have his gloves on. Unconsciously, your eyes scanned the room landing on his gloves that were placed on his table. You looked back at him, his brown eyes already on you. When your eyes met, you swore it felt like they were piercing through yours, searching for something. An answer perhaps. Or maybe he was trying to kill you with his looks.

You couldn't tell.

"So," you started, shifting from one foot to another.

Kaz looked away, running a hand through his hair before he walked back to his desk, sitting down. He put his head in his hands, and you felt your heart crumble.

"Shouldn't have come here," you whispered.

Kaz's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed. "What?," he got up abruptly, leaning over the table using one hand as support as the other was pointed to you. "This- This is your problem," he seethed.

You stood there, mouth agape, pointing to yourself. "MY problem? What the hell are you talking about?"

His eyes widened. "Never mind it," he muttered. You wanted to push further, but you weren't sure how he was going to react, what with everything going on. He paced around, his leg getting seemingly worse with every step.

"Kaz you should sit," You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

He turned to you, and you hated the fact that you couldn't read his eyes. He huffed, covering his eyes with hands once before walking over to his desk and sitting once again. He clasped his hands together, resting his forehead against it.

You sighed, it was now or never. "What do you want to talk about Kaz?"

He didn't move. Didn't talk.

Your mind was racing. The hurt, the guilt, and the happiness of talking to him again all flooding over you. Your eyes landed on his gloves again.

You remembered buying, no, stealing them for him when you realized he couldn't touch you, not without repulsively pulling away and having a panic attack after. You remember being afraid, scared that you couldn't comfort him, not properly, not without touching him. The two of you had relied heavily on touch as your way of communication before, and suddenly he couldn't even handle the brushing of fingers as you passed him something.

You'd stolen it from a shop, altering it a bit as Kaz slept.

"I've got you something," you said, presenting the gloves with a flourish. Kaz stared at them, looking back to you, expression blank. You sighed, " It's for your hands you dummy. So that you can touch people again," Hold my hand again you thought, but left unsaid. He took it quietly, slipping them on. He looked back at you hesitating before taking a deep breath and grabbing your hands. You gasped slightly. You expected him to recoil. To drop your hands like fire like he had many times before. However he didn't.