Saving Stella - A Stellaride story

Dealing with the loss (62)

Stellas POV

it's been 2 days since Theodore was born, they allowed us to be with him for 24 hours before they had to take him away from us, we both agreed to plan a funeral for him to give him the send of he deserves, the firehouse were all informed last shift, as me and Kelly were released from the hospital, it felt wrong leaving the baby behind. 

As much as it was a shock to even learn I was pregnant, from the moment I found out about him, he was so loved and right now as we leave the hospital empty handed I couldn't help but imagine us walking out with a baby in our arms and not just a box filled with just a photo of him, the blanket they gave him and his hospital band, that is all that we had to show for his very short existence.

we were now at home, the house was very quiet, everyone from the firehouse decided they would look after the kids over the next few days whilst I recovered and we planned the funeral.

I walked out of the bedroom and downstairs where Kelly was on the phone "12:30 yeah that will be fine...thankyou....yeah, thankyou it means a lot...bye see you then" he ends the call as he turns around and sees me 

"that was the funeral director, I got us a meeting with them tomorrow at 12:30 is that okay" I hear him say as I nod, I wrap my arms around my body as I walk over to the sofa and he come sand sits next to me, I look at him for a second before he wraps his arm behind em and I snuggle up to him, neither of us saying a word but knowing exactly what the other is feeling. I bring my hand to my mouth as I try my best to not cry. 

...

We spent the rest of the day cuddled on the sofa not moving. it was now late into the night and we heard a knock at our door, Kelly got up and told me he would get it as he walked to the door and opened it. he soon came back with a bunch of flowers and a card as I sat up.

"who were they from" I ask curiously "dont know, they were left on the step, maybe they signed their name in the card" he said as he placed the flowers down and he sat next to me as he opened the card. I lent into him as he read it out.

"To the Severides, our sincerest condolences for you and your family at this time. You have our deepest sympathy and unwavering support. Wishing you peace, comfort, courage, and lots of love at this time of sorrow. our heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Love from your Firehouse family" Kelly chokes up a little as he wipes his eyes and I wipe mine also as I look up at Kelly as he still looks at the card "PS, we have a boot at Mollys thats filling with donations to help with the funeral" he says as I rest my head on his shoulder

"i'll forever be grateful for all they do" I say as Kelly puts the card on the side table and then brings me into a hug as he kisses my forehead 

...

A week later

The funeral was now planned to take place in a couple of days, I have barely moved from out of the house, I asked Kelly if we could have the kids back tonight as I've missed them and feel they will help me as a distraction for a while, he agreed and immediately went to go collect them. I stayed home and decided to tidy up our already clean house just hoping to find something that will keep my mind occupied. 

moments passed and I heard the door open and I turned round to see Toby running in and Kelly with Elliot and Eliza in his arms. a smile appears on my face, the first smile i made since leaving the hospital, I looked at kelly who was already looking at me as he smiled and I walked over to him as Toby seen me "Mummyyyy" he shouts as he jumps at me and I catch him and hug him. 

Kelly comes over to me as he places the twins together in front of him across one arm as he wraps his other arm around me and Toby and we have a big family hug. 

he puts the twins in their chairs as they get heavy after a while and Toby pulls my hand to his bag that he took with him he sits down and pulls out a piece of paper and shows it me, its a drawing "me did it...for you mummy" he says passing it to me "wook, thats me" he begins to point at the stick figure drawings "daddy, you, awiza and ewi" I chuckle as I hear how he says the babies names, he hasn't quite mastered Elliot yet so we just let him call him Eli "oh and look" he points to the smaller shape higher up on the picture "that baby, in sky" he says as I look at him and feel my eyes tear up "you're such a clever boy" I say as I kiss the side of his head.

he jumps up and goes to play with his toys as I sit and look at his drawing, as I cover my mouth and try not to cry again. Kelly comes over and hugs me as he takes the picture from me. he kisses the top of my head as he stands up and goes to the kitchen, I see him put the picture on the fridge before coming back to me. 

"Mummy, daddy wook" I hear from Toby as he climbs in his toy firetruck that he is now big enough to drive himself "Me like you" he says as he drives it around the living room and I chuckle a little. Kelly stands up and goes over to him as he pushes him around faster, the room radiating with children's giggles as the twins start laughing also at their dad running round like a lunatic.

I sit back and watch them play, as I realise for the first time in a while I feel a little happy. a little more like my old self.