Saving Stella - A Stellaride story

A coffin that small (63)

Kelly POV

it was the day of the funeral, me and Stella barely slept at all last night as we both just laid and cried against each other, not wanting to say our goodbyes to our baby, we should be getting sleepless nights from Theo waking us up crying not ourselves crying.

I put on my dress uniform, Boden managed to pull a few strings and got the CFD to grant a firefighter like funeral meaning all those from the firehouse who were attending were to wear their uniform, with a procession leading to the church, with Squad 3's and Truck 81's rigs leading the procession. 

I walked down the stairs to meet everyone who decided to meet at our house first.  forced a smile to everyone before I went and looked for Stella, I found her in the bathroom crying trying to fix her make up. 

I closed the door and went over to her and held her in my arms. "we can do this, come on he will be arriving soon" I say as I hold her hands and pull her out the bathroom as everyone looks at us sympathetically as Casey comes through the door "He's here" he says as he looks at me as I feel Stella grip my arm tighter as everyone lets me and Stella walk out first. 

as we exit the house we see the funeral car with a small Coffin in the back, the flowers we bought are bigger than the coffin itself.  the funeral director opened the trunk as me and Stella walked forward, everyone stayed back allowing me and Stella time with the coffin first.

I placed a hand on the coffin as Stella did also, both of us breaking down onto each other before I pulled away and wiped my eyes quickly

"I want to carry him" I say which took stella by surprise as we originally planned to walk behind the car with him inside "A coffin that small looks lost in that car, I want to carry him" I say again as she nods at me and the funeral director unhooks the casket from the car as he picks it up and places it in my arms.

everyone starts to walk down as they stand behind us. 

"we are all here for you both" I hear from boden as he holds both of our shoulders before stepping back. 

the funeral director gets in the car and waits for the 2 fire engines to drive off slowly with their lights flashing but the sirens switched off the car pulls out behind as we all start to walk slowly behind. 

I keep looking down at the coffin in my arms not believing coffins can be made this small, no coffin should have to be made this small. 

the fire engines park either side of the walkway entrance as we stop. everyone walks past us to make a line either side of us to give us a guard of honour as Boden stands at the front

"Ten-Hut" boden shouts as everyone stands straight "Present Arms" he shouts again everyone raises their right arm slowly, saluting.

I feel a tear roll down my face as I look at everyone then look at Stella as she grips onto my arm we slowly walk past them all, once we reach the church entrance I hear boden order for everyone's arms to come down, as they all start to follow me and Stella inside. 

I reached the top and placed the coffin on the stand, I kissed the coffin before going to sit on the front row with Stella, everyone took their seats behind us as the Chaplain began the service.

half way through the Chaplain invited me and Stella up to say a few words, I got up but Stella froze as I looked at her, she didn't move, just stayed focus on the coffin, I look at Brett as she nods and comes over to us and sits next to Stella and holds her whilst I go up to the stand. I place my hat down as I look at everyone.

"I just have a few things to say to everyone, first of a thank you to all of you sitting amongst us here today I want to thank every single one of you for the support you have give to me and Stella at this very sad time, to my firehouse family, I want to thank every one of you for helping to put this funeral together and for taking the roll of me and Stella to our kids when we couldn't be there, and To Stella...." I pause as I look at Stella and she looks up 

"To you I owe you everything, you are the strongest, bravest soul I know, and our son would have been so proud to have you has his mother, a mother I know you will continue to be for Toby, Elliot and Eliza, with every rocky road that has ever knock you down, you have always found a way to get back up and I can only admire and praise you for that, I will continue telling you every day how proud I am of you, I will always be here for you no matter what." I smile at her as I put my hat back on and walk down the steps to Theo's Coffin

"And to My son, Theodore Gabriel Severide" I say as I take of one of my medals from my jacket and hold it in my hands before placing it onto his coffin  "to you I give my medal of courage, to bring you all the courage you need to find rest wherever you are, to live on in another lifetime, until our souls are reunited..." I finish as I place the medal gently on top of his coffin before placing my hands on top "We never had the chance to play, to laugh, to rock, to wiggle, We will long to hold you, touch you, and listen to your giggle. Stella will always be your mother, and I your Dad, You will always be our child, the child we never had. you may be gone but yet you're right here. We sense you everywhere, as sad as we appear, There's love in every tear.." I pause as I tear up a little "Just know our love goes deep and strong, that we will forget you never, as in our hearts you will remain forever"

I look down for a second as I try to hold back my tears but fail as I start to breakdown, I finally fall apart after holding it in to stay strong for Stella, I suddenly crumble now when she needs me most. my knees buckle under me as I fall to my knees my head in my hands I feel someone embrace me "let it out, dont hold it back for me, you dont have to be strong for me" I hear Stella say as I realise it was her that came to me, I turn into her and wrap my arms round her as we both cry. 

...

we head to the cemetery where Theos Coffin will be lowered into the ground. I am still carrying his coffin, this time we are in a funeral car with him across my legs as the cemetery is too far to walk. 

once we arrive the chaplain reads a few bible verses before he looks over at me and I walk over to a mat that has been laid out next to a hole in the ground. with the coffin still in my hands I go down to my knees and close my eyes, when I open them I lean over and begin to lower the coffin into the ground gently. 

once the coffin is in the ground I stand up and look at stella and hold my hand out to her as she comes over to me and I wrap my arm round her as we both look down at his coffin, it slowly becoming less visible as the earth is placed on top of him. 

everyone comes over to offer their condolences and tells us they will meet us at Molly's, which is where we decided to hold the wake. we watch everyone leave as me and Stella decide to stay for a while, looking at Theo's headstone which was placed before we arrived, the headstone had a picture of Theo in the corner which we both looked at, I wrap my arms round her tightly as I stroke her arms as I read what we decided to be placed on his headstone 

"Theodore Gabriel Severide...A son and Brother Born sleeping...most people can only dream of angels, we held one in our arms, we only held you in our arms for only a little while, but in our hearts we will hold you forever"  I read out as Stella snuggles closer into me and sniffles as she wipes away a tear

"come on, lets go raise a glass to him" I say as I pull her away and we walk out of the Cemetery. Boden waited for us knowing we didn't have a car to get back, we get in the car as boden starts driving to Molly's