Before I say Goodbye

Pretender : The one who smile through her tears.

Am I weird?
Am I not try hard enough?
Sometimes I can't breath
I can't achieve no matter how hard I try
I blame it in hormones
When I feel down or discouraged
I don't validate my feelings
When I cry or fall apart.
I can't let that happen
Or show my weakness
Cause I have no time to rest
Or hold a second.
I have support and encourage
The more I feel I am worthless.
No matter how hard I try I feel empty.
The good that has happened
Gets discouraged easily
Maybe the pain is so strong
Than it overcomes my happiness.
I feel lost, and forgets to appreciate the good around me
I am sorry, for not appreciating
For so much more.
But I am tired of saying sorry.
I am tired of fitting into a mood
I seen myself too different than others
Thus I lose friends or can't mingle
I am falling apart right now
But can't let myself break.
I am drying but can't quit
It's so hard, yet I am still here.
I am really tired can't you let me free?
I hurt others as I am bleeding myself
I don't want too but can't escape
I am living a part of my dream
Still I am crying most times
It's so hard to breath.
May be I just needed to let it out.
Maybe I am a failure
Maybe the good is yet to come
But I suck at waiting.
I don't know what I am hoping.
Why I still hope...
But I am still fighting and surviving
Until the day I win or give up completely.