Far Away

[17] Painful Mistake

Logan

Dear Whoever,

I've lost track of the days... I haven't been in the attic in weeks so I can't talk to the grandfather clock or check the date from my phone. I got the date one day when the doorbell kept ringing all night, just for one night and I realized because it was Halloween. But after that I lost track of the days again... All I do is stay in the kitchen and cook. I have to sleep in Connor's room now every since he found me passed out by the front door the day I tried to escape after I was brutally raped in the kitchen. I probably look disgusting. I haven't showered since the night before I was kidnapped. I don't understand how Connor can even stand to touch me when I look, let alone smell like this. I'm just a broken girl and I don't know if I'll ever get fixed...

   ~•~

I open my eyes and roll them. Connor was snoring loud as hell again. I don't get why I have to sleep in his bed, it's just quicker access to me for him. I try to slowly get off the bed, but it creaks and Connor snaps up. He grins sleepily at me and rolls on top of me. I panic a little hoping he doesn't rape me again. He leans down and nibbles on my neck and I squirm. It angers me that my body likes this even though I don't. I decide to distract him by asking him a question.

"Connor..." He continues to nibble on my neck.

"Hm?" I clear my throat and close my eyes tightly.

"Can I take a shower?" He stops nibbling and stays silent.

The only thing that's being heard is both of our breathing. He raises his head from the crook of my neck and glares at me. I cringe into the mattress as he jumps up from the bed smiling and drags me off of it. I flinch as my body is sore everywhere. He drags me to the bathroom and throws me in. I stumble in as he close and lock the door.

"You have five fucking minutes. Hurry up or I'll come in there." I smile for the first time thinking of getting clean, but it quickly goes away as I make the mistake of turning around and looking in the mirror.

I gasp at the girl in the mirror and freeze. The girl looks like she's been through hell and back. She has dark bags under both eyes, black and purple bruises decorated all over her exposed caramel skin. She has filthy hair from not being washed. Her lips are swollen and cut up and her blue-greenish eyes are lifeless.

This is the first time I've looked at myself in weeks and it was killing me. I turned around and clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from sobbing. I stripped out of my dress and turned around one last time and regret it. My body was covered with bruises and I looked like an artist's canvas. Silent tears stream down my face and I whip my head towards the door when it flies open as Connor came in yelling.

"Logan, what the fuck! I don't hear any water, I said five fucking min-" He stops by the door and his brows shoot up. I see him trail his eyes all over me and I feel disgusting. I choke on a sob and scold him.

"Get the fuck out Connor, don't look at me like that. You already knew what I looked like. You did this shit to me. Your crazy ass, your bitch of a girlfriend and your disgusting ass dad. This is my first time looking at myself and I look fucking horrible! So restart my time and get the fuck out." I breathe heavily as Connor stays silent for once and surprisingly walks out the door closing it without another backwards glance.

I hurry up and start his shower and step inside. I cry heaving huge uncontrollable sobs. I cry at how good the water feels, I cry at the pain I feel as it showers down on me, I cry at the girl in the mirror, I cry at the look of sympathy Connor had on his face before he left, I cry at the fact I'll always be scarred with the memory of losing myself because of this situation.

I massage soap into my body and hair repeatedly and look down to see the water at the bottom is a murky brown. I shake my head in disgust as I rinse and turn the shower off. I take some deep breaths and step out looking for a towel. I figure Connor has already seen me naked so I open his door. I see Connor sitting on his bed with his heads in his hands. His head snaps up when I walk out, he looks at me and slowly hands me a pile of stuff. A towel, brush, sweatpants, boxers and an over large shirt. I shoot him a look of confusion and slowly get dressed. He watches me the whole time, flinching when I wince. I finish getting dressed and clear my throat.

"Thank you. This makes you a little less of a heartless person, but I still fucking hate your guts." I hold my breath and mentally kick myself.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Did I want him to beat me again?

Connor shakes his head, jumps off his bed and leaves his room, locking the door behind him. I frown and mumble to myself.

"Well, that was weird." I shrug and slowly climb back into his bed and doze off.

altaylor49