The Fling

22

I'd just finished having a short cry when Lizzie opened the patio door.

"Are the little ones asleep?" I asked, hurriedly wiping my face so that she wouldn't see the tears.

"Yeah, but why is Shawn sitting in his car in front of the house?"

"What? He left twenty minutes ago," I said as I stood up.

"Are you crying?"

"Yes, but I'm fine." I proceeded through the back door to the front of the house where I peeked between the blinds. There he was just like Lizzie said.

"Go out there and talk to him," she urged.

I gulped back some fresh tears. "There's nothing to talk about."

"You're both obviously upset about something! Did you fight?"

"No. I made it clear that we can't see each other anymore and that was that."

Lizzie let out a long dramatic sigh. "Abi! That is not that if he's still here! Is this about me? Please don't make a decision like this because of a crush I used to have! I know I was mad, but I'm not anymore. I love you and want you to be happy!"

I pulled her into my arms. "Thanks, sweetie. I love you, too, but there are other factors like how your brother and sister would react. Our age gap is another."

"And yet Dad can marry a fetus?" she scoffed. "Just go out and see if he wants to talk more."

I took a couple cleansing breaths and went outside to the street where he was parked. I knocked softly on the passenger door before opening it and sitting down next to him. "You're still here."

"I needed a sec. Sorry."

As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see that his cheeks were streaked with tears like mine. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I took his hand in mine.

"It's not your fault. You have valid reasons for not wanting to see me again, and I respect that," he looked down at his lap, "but it's difficult to accept the rejection when I know you have the same feelings for me that I have for you. Every time we're together it's obvious that this isn't purely sex. I care about you! For fucks sake, when Bertie got hurt I felt your fear and pain like it was my own."

"You've got a strong sense of empathy."

"Yeah, but it was more than that. I hated the situation you were in and how uncomfortable it was. Every cell in my body wanted to make you feel better and I couldn't. I realized how strong my feelings are on the drive to the clinic."

I squeezed his hand. "I thought you were mad that I kept that I have kids from you. Then you didn't text this entire week, so I assumed it was a dealbreaker."

"Sometimes I shut down when I'm trying to process things. I should have told you how I was feeling."

"It probably wasn't the best time because I've been preoccupied with worrying about Bertie," I assured him. "You've been very kind about all of it, and I appreciate that very much."

"I believe in kindness being the default reaction to most situations, but I wasn't doing it automatically. It came from my heart. After you said no to me bringing pizza, I told myself I needed to forget you, but that wasn't possible. I just kept thinking that I might be letting someone really special slip through my fingers, which is why I came today. I needed to see you and maybe convince you to give us a try."

I looked out the windshield at my quiet suburban street. When Bert and I bought our home many years ago, I was so happy and excited about our future. Hannah was a toddler, and I was newly pregnant with Bertie, so I'd pictured our entire future as a family. That was all ripped away from me when my husband cheated, and now I had no sense of what the next five or ten years might hold for me. Was it possible that Shawn could be a part of that? Did he want to be?