The Fling

87

Once we were in my foyer, I tried to kiss Abigail, but she stepped back. "I'm here because we need to talk," she said, her voice quavering.

My immediate thought was that she wanted to grill me more about whether I'd truly be content with us never having a child together. I was not up for that convo, especially since I was feeling really mellow from the indica blunt I'd enjoyed earlier. Additionally, we could discuss it until we were both blue in the face, but nothing was going to change; I'd made up my mind. "We talked for hours today and things seemed pretty settled by the time I dropped you off."

"I know, but I have to tell you something. We can't move forward until I get this off my chest."

My mind swirled with a cyclone of possibilities for what she needed to share with me. Was Bert sticking around longer than planned? Was she upset that I brought up marriage? Were we moving too fast? These were things we could work through, so I wasn't overly worried. I took her by the hand and led her to my living room. After switching off the television, I asked, "Can I get you something? A glass of wine, maybe? I've got a bottle of red open and there's some of your favorite Sauvignon Blanc in the fridge."

She shook her head. "No, thank you."

It was unusual for her to turn down wine, but perhaps she wasn't staying over. That made sense; she probably wanted to be home when the kids woke up in the morning. Knowing her, she'd make them a big pancake breakfast that they'd enjoy in the breakfast nook or out on the patio if it was warm enough.

We both sat down on my couch. "What's going on, honey?" I asked.

She took a long deep breath. "In December, when we were on our break, we went six days without talking at all."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know. I was fucking miserable." I hated to even think about that time. I'd been in turmoil over Bert moving in, the decision looming over me, and how tense things were the last few times we'd seen each other.

"So was I. After the series of arguments we had leading up to the break, I was convinced things weren't going to work out for us. I know I said I wanted you to sort everything out while we were apart, but my gut told me that your mind was already made up, though you weren't quite ready to let go."

This certainly explained why she was so surprised by my decision. "I did a lot of soul searching when I was home, which is how I came to the conclusion that I couldn't lose you. I don't mind reassuring you until you accept my answer, but promise me you'll try and will stop second guessing me. This was my choice to make, and I need you to respect it."

"That's not what I'm getting at, Shawn." She stood up and began pacing in front of me. "Something happened during that time we weren't talking or texting."

For a second there, I was positive my heart stopped beating. "What happened?"

Abigail sat back down. "I'm going to start at the beginning because I think the context is important. Keep in mind that I was certain we weren't going to work out." She twisted the imaginary ring on the same finger I hoped would one day hold a wedding band that I placed there. "The kids were on winter break, and one morning, Bert came downstairs dressed in jeans and a hoodie instead of his normal work attire. He announced that we were all going to Disneyland for the day."

"How the fuck could he afford that when he's in debt to his parents?" I interjected. It was so like that bastard to spend money he didn't have.

"He explained that one of his clients had connections to Disney and gifted the passes as an end-of-the-year thank you for his hard work."

That actually sounded legit. I'd been given all sorts of perks from people as a show of gratitude, and in the entertainment industry this sort of thing was very common.

She continued, "The kids were thrilled, of course, and even though I didn't like that it was last minute, I got into the spirit of things. We arrived there a little later than normal, and it was absolutely insane because of the holiday crowds, but it was the first time our family had done something like this since the divorce. It was really nice."

Family. That word hurt like hell. To my girlfriend, family meant her, Bert, and their three children. Even after we got married, I'd still be on the outside and would have to learn how to cope with that. "I'm glad you had a good day," I said with a smidge of bitterness.

"It was more than good. I can't tell you how much it meant to Lizzie, Hannah, and Bertie that their dad and I were laughing and enjoying each other's company like we used to. It was as if we traveled back in time three or four years. I guess I got caught up in that same feeling because I loved it, too." She paused for a moment, looking away from me. "We got home late that night and the kids went straight to bed because they were exhausted. Bert and I were both wired from the day, so we opened a bottle of wine to unwind. It felt so much like it did back when we were happy," she hesitated again, a bit longer this time, "so when he kissed me, I let him."

"You fucking kissed him?" I shouted. "So Reagan wasn't wrong! Jesus Christ, Abigail! Why didn't you tell me this after she confronted you?" Any calmness I'd felt from the weed was long gone, and my blood pressure rose with each word I spoke.

She shrunk back from me, visibly upset by my anger. "I didn't tell you because it wasn't relevant if we weren't going to end up together. I swore that I'd come clean if, on the off chance, you chose to stay with me, which is why I'm here now!" She got up again and walked over to the fireplace, her back to me. "It was more than just a kiss, though. We went up to my room and-"

"-you fucked him," I finished her sentence as my blood went cold. I felt numb and sick at the same time, and I was also as enraged as I'd ever been in my life. I stood up and grabbed the first thing I saw, which was a piece of colorful pottery I'd picked up in Costa Rica. I hurled it at the wall behind us, causing Abigail to jump. "How could you fuck him?" I screamed at her.

She was cowering across the room from me. "I wish I could explain it, but it's hard. This has been eating me up inside for weeks, but you have to believe me when I say it was a one time thing. I regretted it immediately."

"Oh you regret it?" It suddenly dawned on me that this was what she'd focused on during that last meditation with Raj. "Did releasing the 'I fucked my ex-husband and cheated on my boyfriend dove' not help you at all?" I snarled.

"We were technically on a break." Abigail's voice was barely above a whisper.

"It wasn't that kind of break! We were taking space to figure shit out, not giving up on our love completely and fucking other people!"

"We didn't establish that until you called me and told me about the gymnast. I'm not saying that what I did was okay, and I understand how hurtful it was, but it wasn't cheating."

I walked over and pointed a finger in her face. "Go ahead and believe that, but to me it was. You fucking betrayed me, and then you had the nerve to lie about it. I never thought you'd turn out to be a cheater and a liar!"