The Fling

52

I lit the propane fire pit on the patio while Shawn opened a bottle of red he brought back from the extensive Napa Valley wine tour he'd gone on with his Toronto friends. I missed him terribly while he was away, but I'd written six chapters of my book, so the break was at least a productive one for me.

He settled into a lounge chair and I situated myself between his legs. "This is so nice," I sighed as I leaned back against his chest. "Welcome back."

I'd already welcomed him in another way the second he stepped through the front door. He'd thoroughly enjoyed the foyer blow job and reciprocated with some amazing kitchen countertop oral. We'd learned from the incident with Lizzie, and I'd dead bolted the door as a precaution.

"I love you," he said softly, kissing the top of my head.

Something about the way he said it felt different, like it was going to be followed by something else. I turned and faced him. "I love you, too. We're good, right?"

"We're perfect, honey. Being away from you for five days made me realize how important you are to me and that I'm my happiest when we're together."

I touched his bearded cheek. "You make me happy, too."

"I want us to stay like this forever, Abigail."

My stomach clenched uncomfortably. Talking about the future scared me, and he knew this, but we were definitely to a point where it was inevitable. The problem was that whenever this came up, there was potential for the discussion to become about children.

"Sorry. I guess I just killed the mood," he mumbled after I didn't respond.

I swiveled my whole body so that I was sitting cross legged and fully facing him. "You didn't, but the word forever scares me a little."

"Because you don't feel the same way?"

"No! It scares me because I do," I hesitated a moment before finishing my thought, "but I'm not sure if that's a possibility."

"It's possible if we want it to be."

I picked up my wine glass from the small side table and took a drink. "We had a breakthrough in therapy and this might be a good time to talk about it."

"Okay, but this isn't a ploy to switch to a new subject is it?"

"It's related, I promise. We were on the topic of Bert being remarried- he wasn't there for this session so the therapist felt it was a good time to broach it- and at first the kids said they were fine and didn't care. Then she asked them how they'd feel if I got married again and their demeanors changed instantly."

Shawn gulped. "I mean...that's probably a normal reaction given how they don't like change, right?"

"Yes, but for once, Hannah opened up and actually articulated why it upset her. After some prodding, she said that her dad left after he decided he wanted to marry Reagan, and she's afraid that if I marry you, I will leave. Bertie nodded and said he's worried about that, too." I was pretty sure this is why he was against us kissing in the tunnel of love, and I hated that I'd been right about that.

"But you told them that would never happen, didn't you?" he asked with a frown. "You're not going anywhere."

"Of course. You know as well as I do that anxiety isn't always rational, and even if someone tells you something comforting, it's hard to let go of the core fear. When I spoke with the therapist alone, she said that they both know I wouldn't abandon them, but in their heads, leaving could be symbolic of not having time for them. They're afraid of becoming secondary like they perceive they've become with Bert."