The Fling

59

Even though I was mentally a wreck, I was determined to stick to my schedule, so I went to my usual Wednesday Pilates class. When I got home, I took Cosmo for a walk before taking a long hot shower. I got dressed in an old UCLA hoodie and jeans and threw my hair up in a ponytail. Shawn was due to arrive around lunchtime, so I'd bought a few of his favorite things at Erewhon. I put together two plates of Asian chicken salad and warmed some carrot-ginger soup. I was finishing up when the doorbell sounded.

"Hi," I greeted him. "Come on in. I hope you're hungry, because I have lunch ready."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I'm starving and was gonna suggest we go out, but it's probably better if we talk here." Shawn followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast room table. "This looks great! I was craving this soup the other day."

"I remember you mentioning that." He'd said it while we waited to board our ridiculously early flight from Toronto after smelling a ginger candle in one of the overpriced gifts shops. It was only a day and a half ago, but it felt like so much longer.

"I owe you an apology," he told me. "I said some things I regret, but I need you to know that they came from a place of insecurity, not because I don't trust you."

"Implying that I want Bert back was hurtful, but as long as you try to have some faith in me as we move forward, then we'll be fine."

We started eating, and after a minute he asked, "Any new developments with this crappy situation?"

"Not really. Bert is staying here until he finds something he can afford, so hopefully that won't take too long." My boyfriend did not respond, so I elaborated, "I'm not happy about any of this, but surely you understand why I'm helping him."

Shawn set down his fork and sighed. "You're kind and generous, so I do understand, but at the same time, it kills me a little that you consistently put the needs of everyone else above your own."

"I promise I'm looking out for myself. I am going to set firm boundaries with Bert, and he's going to have to contribute to the household with actions since he doesn't have money."

"I thought he was working long hours."

"He is, but I will encourage him to put that extra time in before work instead of after. That way he's home in the evenings to help with homework, spend time with the kids, and be involved in their activities."

Shawn scoffed. "You can encourage all you want, but will he do it?"

"I don't know. He's not used to the more assertive version of me, but even if he says no, I won't back down."

We ate more of our food and then Shawn stopped and reached across the table for my hand. "What about us, Abigail? How is this going to impact our time together?"

I'd given this some thought, so I was prepared to answer him. "Weekdays won't change since the kids will be at school and Bert will be in the office. Presumably you don't want to hang out while he's here on the weekends, but I figured every other one he could stay with the kids and I'd be free to spend it at your house. It would be like regular visitation, but they won't have to go anywhere." I expected him to perk up at this plan since it meant we still had time together, but his expression was solemn. "What do you think?" I prodded.

"I think it sucks."

This was not the answer I was anticipating. "Why?"

"Because I'm never going to see Hannah, Bertie, or Lizzie! It's great that you and I can stick to our weekday routine, but I no longer get to eat dinner with them, help Bertie with guitar or play chess with Hannah, or just spend time with them!"