The subsiding strength of a Swap Sans

Chapter 2: Alone

Thanks Gangstergay for the idea for this chapter!

(TW! Cutting, bad thoughts, death ect.)

Why...?

Why us...?

The human kills another monster, stabs them to death with only a blunt toy knife. All of their screams echo through my head, their pleads of mercy brutally ignored as they dust slowly and painfully. The human doesn't even look back.

I tried to stop them, but I can't move.

I see Alphys fighting for her life, Undyne giving up, Napstaton dying on live TV and my brother fighting harder then he would ever do in any other circumstance.

I see me dying over and over again, because it's what happens in genocide, the stupid little brother dies.

I think about trying to change it every time it happens, but then they would know that I can remember the resets.

It happens over and over.

I watch my friends and family die, over and over, all because I won't step up and change how things go.

I won't put up a real fight.

I will let them die.

I am the reason that my brother can't be happy.

I instead let them die, let him die.

...

I awake with a start, flinging my head off my bed while sitting up. Just a dream...

I wince at the pain in my side. Fuck, I passed out. I think, grabbing at the wound slightly.

I realize were I was laying down had a spot of blood on it. I mean, at least it wasn't all over the bed because of the bandages.

Okay, I guess I have to heal this... I think, using my magic to slowly but surely heal my wound.

...

After I had healed the injury I tried to stand up, only to fall down.

Ugh... I'm so fucking weak and useless... Why am I even alive at this point? Everybody knows that I'm a weak, pathetic, useless pushover!  Nobody would even care if I fucking disappeared!

"W- what in the world..?" I say to myself. What am I thinking..? Thats crazy!

When I was younger I used to always go to Papyrus when I was upset. Now I realize what a burden I am, it feels like he doesn't care, and honestly, who would? I am so  fucking worthless...

I dig my nails into my skin until I bleed, not even realizing I'm doing so. Tears fall from my eye sockets to the ground.

I- I don't care anymore... I know I'm an obnoxious and worthless doormat!

I stand up and grab my pocket knife, sitting back on my bed. I put the exposed blade to my arm, pressing down slightly... then I stop, realizing what I'm doing.

"I- Ugh!" I exclaim, crying into my hands. "What am I doing?!" More tears slide from my eyes to off my chin. "I'm supposed to be the happy one! I'm only being kept around for my positive outlook anyway! They need happy Swap! Not the 'I'm gonna cut myself' Swap! Why am I so fucking stupid and useless and god these insults are even terrible! Fuck I hate myself so much!!!"

I'm so exhausted and I can't even be what everyone needs me to be! I'm so selfish and I don't know what to do! If I keep acting like this Dream will notice!

I hate myself.

I'm useless.

I'm a pushover.

I'm obnoxious.

I'm weak.

I'm a doormat.

I'm worthless.

I'm selfish.

I'm just dumb.

I should just die.

I deserve pain.

I should hurt myself, nobody cares.

Nobody gives a fuck...

I put the knife to my wrist again and press down... 

(TW! If you really don't like blood or don't like descriptive gore, then you should be careful right here!)

Blood slowly comes out of the cut, it stings slightly but it's a welcoming feeling. I do It again but slightly deeper the sting of pain coming back again. I almost like it, the fact that I am an awful monster in the back of my mind makes me hurt myself more. 

I can't stop at this point, I make slash marks all up my arm and somewhat down my leg. The awful pain of each makes me go deeper every time. I am still crying, my tears mixing in with my blood.

I'm so pitiful... I think, the pain and the need to scream and cry threatening to overflow and for me to cry out.

"I'm so useless it's funny..." I whisper to myself, adding another cut to the collection.

My knife was covered in my blood, I take a look at it and then myself, horrified of what I'd just done.

I put my knife away, far away so I wouldn't get to it without a little struggle and then I cried.

Ugly awful sobs, I couldn't believe what I had done to myself.

Then the realization hit me.

I was alone.

I had nobody to talk to.

I could die and nobody would know till late tomorrow.

I know I should try to reach out, but I would just cause problems...

Maybe this is something I need to deal with on my own...

My cuts sting, and I know I need to patch them up unless I wanted to bleed out, which I almost did want to.

But my common sense told me at least wrap up my arms and legs. 

I did wrap them up, but couldn't be bothered to actually heal them, I wanted to feel the pain that reminded me that I was useless.

That reminded me of the burden I am.

I did not fall asleep that night.

Notes:

Okay! Just a reminder that this is for entertainment purposes only! If you feel upset by this then you should probably stop reading!

And another reminder, DO NOT follow Swap's example, depression is something you should not have to deal with alone.

Anyway, that was depressing, but also I love it.

Okay, uh bye!