She's What I Need

love, kildare, and daddy issues....

       ~This all occurs before the 18 months~ (resumes right after ward and big johns death)

jjs pov:

Love. it can be so damn confusing. but it can feel so damn good. me and kiaras relationship has been rocky after we got off the island because when things start to get real, i start to get distant. i never felt much love from my parents, and when i did, it only lasted for a little bit of time. so that's why i didn't want kiara to love me. i didn't want her to leave me too. i didn't want her to lose feelings or anything happen to her and me be too dependent on her. i already can't imagine a life without her, and i knew if i dated her those feelings would be amplified. thats why i was so skeptical to make a move. But kiara man, she's everything. she's loving, giving, selfless, and she truly cares about me, deep down, she really loves me. i never really felt that from anyone else other than the pouges. i never had a mom to hug when i was upset, or a dad to go on adventures with. kiara did a damn good job at filling in the spaces my parents left empty. and i adore her for that.

we were all on the boat, all the way in south america. Ward dead, John bs dad dead, Sarah emotional, John b emotional, Pope and Cleo being all lovey dovey, and me and kiara, soaking in the looks we keep sending each other. although pope is with cleo and shouldn't be upset about me and kiara anymore, me and kiara wanted to respect him and tell him about us, but now was not the time. so we waited, but secretly, all i wanted to do is just be in kies arms again, and never leave.

i'm not fully sure i'm ready to be all clingy with kiara, but it's so hard. i've longed for her love ever sense i laid eyes on her. to be honest i really honestly shouldn't even be with her cause of pope. but the heart wants what it wants, and i want kiara, extremely bad.

while sarah and john b are mourning over the death of there fathers, i move closer to kiara and take a seat by her. pope, cleo, me and kiara were all giving sarah and john b some time so we weren't close by them. pope and cleo were talking so that allowed me to give kiara some attention.

"hey kie" i say lightheartedly.

"hey jayj" she says admiring me.

"i'm guessing that's my new name?" i say smiling.

"do you like it?" she asks.

"of course i do." i say making strong eye contact with her.

"i mean i could call you mr. 'avoid my feelings' instead of you'd like" she says joking but i break eye contact and look down. i feel horrible that i pushed kiara away and said horrible things to her. she didn't deserve that shit.

"hey no jayj i was joking" she says moving closer to me and patting me on the shoulder.

"i know but i put you through hell." i say looking down, "that wasn't fair to you that i had a pity party and just put my problems on you"  i say looking at her.

"it doesn't matter. all that matters is that we know that we love each other. that's all i need" she says and then i break away the eye contact so that she can't see me smile but she does anyway.

"hey look at me." she says and i do so, "if you ever need to tell me anything, know that i'll always be hear with open ears" kiara says softly and all i want to do is plant a kiss on her blush colored lips.

"i'll give you my thanks later tonight when we are more alone" i say smiling and then she tilts her head with a big smile on her face.

"i'll hold you to that jj." she says seductively.

"oooo i just got called jj" i say laughing.

"c'mon i don't even call you jayj that often." she says and then i look her up and down with an 'yes you do' look.