She's What I Need

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jjs pov:

i'm in so much pain. and it sucks to say it, but my mind is hurting more than my actual body. i have a high pain tolerance so pain on the human body doesn't really affect me, but mentally, im really fucked up. and that's my biggest worry, i don't want to fuck up kie, i won't fuck up kie.

it's already bad enough she had to watch me practically ball my eyes out in her arms last night. i'm so pathetic. i told myself this wouldn't happen again after the hot tub but she just seems to be my rock, but she shouldn't be, i should be the strong one.

when i woke up i saw her sitting by the edge of the couch. she never once left my side. i appreciate that, but at the same time i don't want to be a burden or liability to her. so it'll be better to leave her.

i get up and accidentally wake her sense she was leaning her body weight right by me.

"jayj?" she says softly.

"huh?" i ask her getting up.

"where are you going?" she asks concerned.

"out." i say. i hate being a dick. i hate hurting her just because i talk myself into not being good enough for her. i'm not a good person, let alone partner material.

"why are you acting like that?" she asks innocently.

"what kiara?" i asks clearly trying to portray im annoyed but deep down i just want to kiss her and never stop.

"jj i thought we got past this when you said you loved me back. you can't keep pushing me away." she says looking at me and now she's the annoyed one.

"i'm not pushing you away kiara." i say trying to hold eye contact.

"that's bullshit and you know itso cut the shit. god this is so unfair to me and you both." she screams at me then begins walking away looking like she's headed for the door.

"woah where are you going?" i ask her now concerned.

"out." she says and i quickly get up and grab her wrist to stop her so she turns back.

"how does it feel jj? to be treated like that?" she asks me looking at me in the eyes, i can tell she's hurt and just wants to help me.

"kiara you can't go out there" i say and then she nods no.

"i can and i will. i'll go back to my house and get sent to another boarding school even farther if you rather neglect your feelings that way?" she says and i look down.

"i don't want to weigh you down kiara." i say to her looking pitiful.

"your not jayj. when are you gonna realize that." she says and puts her hand on my face and i tilt it in her hands. "look i said i loved you and meant it. i'm all in jj. and your not pushing me away because i love you too damn much and i can't see you slip away from me." she says and tears start to form in my eyes.

"i- im supposed to be the strong one." i say and a tear falls from my eyes and then she kissed me where the tear fell.

"and i'm supposed to stay with you throughout everything, good or bad." she speaks like an angel. i'm so attracted to her. she's so beautiful.

"ok. i won't go anywhere." i say and then hug her. "but you can't go anywhere either." i squeeze her extra hard when i say that.

"done deal maybank" she says and then i kiss her. i kiss her so hard, yet so soft. i grab the back of her head and my other hand is rubbing my pinky across her fingers while we hold hands.

while one of our hands are still intermingled, i lift her up with one arm while not losing the kiss, the passion. this was a little difficult, not because she was heavy or i wasn't strong enough, i was just still injured really bad.