She's What I Need

reconvene

jjs pov:

it's now the next morning. i hate the nights i cry so much my eyes are puffy and sore. then i just awake and just want to die. my eyes stung with every slow blink.

i realize it's the morning so i ask a random cop walking around what time it is. he says it's around twelve.

i sleep a lot when im depressed so it didn't shock me knowing it was so late.. i guess i just was used to being on an island, with my friends, somewhat not as depressed, so it's been a while sense i woke up so late.

i get shoupe and ask if i can make a call. i call the only family member i can really depend on. the rests of my family members are dead or just hate me and my family. i don't blame them. but it really sucks when you have no one and your well aware of it.

anyways, i call ricky because he's the only person i don't feel extremely guilty asking for money. after shoupe gave me the stupid jail cell phone, i dialed ricky's number. i only have it memorized because when really bad shit goes down he's the only person on my emergency contact.

"ricky what's up dude." i say in the phone.

"jj? what the fuck do you want now." he said preparing himself for disappointment.

"look this is the very last time i ask you for help." i say and hear him groan in the phone.

"well you know my bed is pretty comfortable and i like the channel on tv right now but who the fuck cares when jj calls. all needs get delivered to him." he says annoyed.

"you know i don't have it easy ricky. please just help me" i say basically pleading which is weird because no maybank ever pleads, but i pleaded.

"what do you want jj" he says irritated with a frown on his face by the way i hear him talk.

"i need you to bail me out. please dude. i'm begging." i say and he laughs.

"no dude i think you need to stay in there and learn what to do and not to do." he says about to hang up.

"ricky please wait." i say and he sighs, "i have no one. ricky please" i say and he goes silent for a few minutes.

"fuck jj, i don't have the money for this." he says sounding like he's getting up.

"i'm sorry ricky." i say and he sighs.

"i can sell my bike. but you have to buy me a new one, AND PROMISE ME THAT." he says raising his voice towards the end.

"i got you man. thank you so much ricky." i say and he just sighs.

"fuck you dude." he says and then i laugh knowing he's about to sell his bike for me.

"i'll get you a new and improved one once i get out." i say and he nods.

"you fucking better jj." and then he sighs.

"i'll have you out by the end of the day or early tomorrow." he says and i feel bad but grateful.

"i love you ricky." i say truly meaning it but it's weird because i barely tell anyone that.

"mhm bye" he says and i laugh some more. i'm so grateful for ricky. i rather have one true family member than a ton of fake ones.

after we hang up i get a weird wave of emotions run through my body and my brain goes to kiara. i get a sense of feeling that she's not okay or upset. i mean obviously she's upset but i hope she didn't do anything stupid.

all i can think about is her which i hate. i hate is it because i'm gonna get too attached to her and love her too much to leave her. gosh i suck at commitment, i always self doubt.