Rainy Weather (Kazurei)

The Pouring Rain

I was always thought there was something poetic about the rain. The melodic thumps when the drops hit the earth is oddly soothing. The quietness from the outside world adds a certain stillness to the air as I lay listening. It's peaceful. Reluctantly I got up and stepped out of the bathtub to peer at myself in the mirror. I look horrible today. Like a ghost. Am I getting sick? I don't feel like I am. "Whatever" I mumbled quietly to myself. Kazuki will nag me about it I'm sure. I smooth my hair down with a brush and wash my face before making my way downstairs.
"Finally awake I see. Are you feeling okay? You don't usually sleep in so late." Kazuki notices me as I walk down the steps. I didn't see the time but apparently it's 13:27. "I feel fine." I sat down on the couch and stared out the window. Kazuki comes to sit next to while while handing me a glass of water. "You don't look fine. I'll check your temperature." without warning he puts his hand on my forehead. "Huh...I dunno then. Do you have any weird symptoms?" Kazuki is always like this, he dotes on me a lot. I can't say I hate it per say, but I will never give him the satisfaction of telling him that. Taking in Miri has only increased the amount of doting he does, it's like she unlocked something he had deep in his heart. It can be annoying at times, but again I can't say I hate it. He saved my life after all, I'd probably be dead if Kyu-chan never introduced us. Kazuki is just in general a very caring guy. I don't know too much about his past other than his parents abandoned him and he lost his wife. Maybe I was just his excuse for having someone to take care of to take his mind off himself. Maybe he does simply care for me. I won't know that answer unless I ask him, which I couldn't ever swallow my pride to ask such an embarrassing question. "...A little dizzy I guess" I say. "Did you clean up that cut on your arm you got?" Kazuki brought attention to my arm, lifting it up to examine the injury properly. "Of course not. It's infected. Sit here. I'll get the first aid kit." Kazuki gets up and walks away. The events of yesterday all came back into my memory. It makes me ill to think that my father wants me to move back to the estate. I swore to come back, but how can I leave now? Why would I go back? How could I avoid going back? The only real escape is death. If I don't return I know he'll send someone to kill Kazuki and Miri too if she gets in the way without hesitation. I still have time before I have to come to my final decision, but I have to protect them no matter what. He already asked about Kazuki, he thinks we're a couple. He didn't say it specifically, but you could see it in his eyes what he was insinuating about us. Without a doubt Kazuki may end up in danger because of me. I don't want to involve him in my business since it has nothing to do with him, but it may be my only option to warn him. "Alright give me your arm." Kazuki returned with first aid supplies and wasted no time getting to cleaning out the wound. "I won't ask how you got injured, but be more careful please." He looks at me with caring expression that caught me off guard. "Rei?" "...I'll do better. Thanks..." I turned my face away from him. "I'll take you at your word. All done." I turn my head back to see my freshly bandaged arm. "It's funny how long you managed to survive without me. So helpless." Kazuki jokes. I should tell him. I should tell him. "Kazuki..." my voice came out weakly. "Oh, by the way. I have no idea what you were up to but please let me know if you're in any trouble. I know you well enough that you definitely wouldn't have gone back to your father if there were no issues. I won't pry if you really don't want to discuss those things, but remember that your choices going forward affect Miri and also me too." I swear he could see right through me at times. "It's nothing. I get it. He asked me about you." I begin to explain. "Huh? What do you mean, what did he say?" Kazuki's interest instantly piqued. "He asked if you were the reason our recent jobs have failed. He said you were a bad influence too." Why am I sharing this with him? I never speak about my private affairs like this. "I'm not surprised. I haven't met him but he sounds like he's a very serious guy. Have fun sometime, old man." Kazuki tries to keep the conversation light hearted. "He wants me to go back." Saying that wiped the smile off his face. "Are you going to do it? You should take some time before making your choice." I hear the urgency in his voice. It honestly brings up a tinge of pain in my heart. "I asked for some time. I don't want to, but most likely end up going because I don't know what he'd do if I didn't obey." In other words, I don't want to risk his life over my own selfishness. "It's been three years and he's just now saying all this to you? Talk about bad timing...It doesn't make any sense." "It doesn't have to make sense. It's just how it is. I don't want you to get involved, doing so would be putting yourself in danger." Ever since that conversation with my father my emotions have been in disarray. Normally I hide it all and pretend I don't care about anything...It's impossible now. Why? "This is your home. We need you here. What would I tell Miri if you stopped coming back? She loves you and I- Just don't do something you'll regret. I have to go pickup Miri." Kazuki goes to leave. I shouldn't have mentioned that part. I really don't want to leave. This life that was built in front of me might be stolen from me. It's hard to process the reality of the situation, but I have to do it to protect them. He doesn't understand the situation of course because I didn't give him the whole story. I get the feeling me getting sent to kill Kaji was my father's way of telling me that he wouldn't hesitate to treat me the same way even if I am his son. Kaji fell in love and got married. Someone to protect. Love sounds so troublesome. It's the one human emotion I have no understanding of...er maybe just romantic love. It's obvious that Miri has been affecting my perception of love and Kazuki too. These two...it's almost like a real family. I never wanted children. Too much hassle. Miri however, her calling me Papa and constantly clinging on to me everyday became routine I can't imagine going back to not having her around. She's a special kid. Although it is still weird having to refer to her as my daughter in public, I don't particularly care but we get a lot of dirty looks from people when they hear that we're both her dads. Even with that, I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. I have a hard time conveying how I feel due to how I was brought up, but I hope Kazuki and Miri know that I care. Which is why I'm taking this choice to either stay or go extremely serious. I need to be one hundred percent positive of my final choice before settling with it. I couldn't stand to walk holding onto regrets.
What answer is right?

(A/N): hihi, thanks for reading the first chapter. There are more to come and will be a lot longer. thanks again （＾ω＾）