Rainy Weather (Kazurei)

Roaring Thunder

Feelings are a bizarre part of human nature. They indirectly influence your everyday life and no one questions it. Coming to the realization that you feel different about a specific person or object has the potential to alter you as a person. So I've come to learn. I don't understand feelings and emotions very well, I was raised to learn how to kill with perfect precision. How do I decipher what I'm feeling? l noticed years ago that something in me was awoken, something I'd never felt before. Kazuki coming into my life was like suddenly having an overbearing mother comparable to some I saw on tv before. After all was said and done, Kazuki stayed with me through the rest. I had a person I felt safe around. He showed me what it was like living in a normal home, a thing many take for granted and a thing I was denied as a child. He showed me how to be a person even though I still fail at it, but he's never given up on me. Now here's where I bring back my lack of understanding of feelings and emotions. Every time I'm with Kazuki, my heart beats a little faster, and my body feels...floaty? I can't think of another way to describe it. There's also that familiar presence and safety, the gentleness of his voice, well when he's not screaming his head off at some random nonsense. I've played enough games to have a general idea of what all this could mean for me. Romance is a very prominent theme or sub-theme in a lot of the story lines in video games. I remember a girl confessing her love for the protagonist and she used the same words about how she felt for him that I feel for Kazuki. I could be misinterpreting myself since I have no experience with other people to reference back to. I wasn't allowed to have friends and that applied to romantic partners too. My father wanted to introduce me to a girl on my twenty-second birthday that he said that I would marry to carry on the family name. I didn't want that, I never thought about girls or considered having a girlfriend. I didn't want to marry some girl that was chosen for me. As a result of not having a love life, I'm confused, but one thing I'm sure about is that Kazuki is special to me in way I'm unable to fully wrap my head around.

                                      
       "Rei?"

Hearing my name snapped me out of my thoughts. "I've been calling your name this whole time, but you were so spaced out you couldn't hear me. I was going to tell you the arcade is about to open in a few minutes ." he softly grins. "Sorry." "No need to apologize, it looked like you were deep in thought. Musta been important if you heard nothing I said. I know you don't do it on purpose." Kazuki pulls his phone out to check the time. "The doors should be opened any time now." "This is my first time at an arcade." I mention. "Really? That's surprising, you're exactly the type of person I'd expect to come here all the time." "I had no reason too, I have all my games at home. Besides, going out alone doesn't sound enticing." I answer his dubious question. "I tend to forget that your upbringing wasn't normal, I'm happy I get to be the one to show you all these things now. It's interesting to see what you do when faced with something new. You have an almost child-like innocence thing going on." I wasn't given the chance to be a kid. From the very beginning I was taught proper etiquette while other kids played with toys. I only had psychology books to read instead of proper children's books. I was home schooled by some stuck up old lady. I thought it was normal, it was my normal. Other kids got to be kids. I had to learn how to shoot and fight in order to survive. "Is that a bad thing?" His words sounded to me like a judgement. "Absolutely not. Miri is really bringing out the kid in you that never got to come out before. You got a lot in common with her, have you noticed that?" "Somewhat." "Seeing you smile over plush animals or that chocolate cereal is honestly pretty cute." Kazuki froze in place and I was taken aback by his comment. "Huh?" I couldn't come up with anything to respond, meanwhile Kazuki's face is so red it looks like it might just explode. "Oh look, the arcade is open. Let's get inside!" he quickly scurries away and I follow behind him. Once inside the building I'm instantly amazed at all the vibrant colors and games. I feel a smile coming on my face as recognize that this can be something I really enjoy. "Rei, over here!" Kazuki calls for me at a counter where he hands me a card. "Just swipe this at the card slot of the games to start playing. There's ¥10,000 on each of our cards and lot of these work with just ¥100. We can spend time here till 12:30 then we have to go for our reservations. the rest we can use to come back here with Miri this weekend maybe." he hands me a plastic card. there's an awkward look in his eye, he must be trying to forget what he said. Never been called cute before...it's odd.