Rainy Weather (Kazurei)

A Storm of Passion

Kazuki cleaned up very nicely in here. He managed to remove seven years worth of dust and dirt from every surface in here. You can't even tell how long it sat abandoned now. It's impressive. Ugh, I'm just stalling. I need to decide what approach would be best for engaging with Kazuki. After giving up Miri, his mood had taken a significant overall dip. He would be so happy if I made the first move, but actually doing it isn't so easy for me. I'm afraid of doing something wrong or embarrassing. It's too late to refer back to the things I read. He would know right away that I looked it up and laugh at me. My anxious thoughts are probably making it worse than it actually would be. Kazuki makes it look so super simple. The hardest part is always the first step. If I do it enough, maybe I could be just like him. Okay, calm down. You're okay. He never picks on you for going out of your comfort zone. Kazuki is sitting next to a window reading a parenting book he brought along with him for whatever reason. He looks too preoccupied? Would I be annoying him? No of course not. Kazuki is a man who craves attention, this would basically be a Christmas present for him. I swallow down my pride and reluctantly walk over to start things up. He doesn't notice me standing there in front of him initially till I tap him on the shoulder. "What's up?" he gives me his signature warm grin that I've come to love so much. "Rei, your face is going red. Are you feeling okay?" he sets his book down on the counter next to him. To make this easier, I'll try having a conversation and see if I can make it flow into what I want. "I just...want to talk." I have a question I wanted to ask for awhile anyway, so now is a good opportunity to ask it. "Ah, what about?" I don't know what I am to him. We never specified what our relationship is. That's what I want to discuss so it's made clear. Typically from what I seen over the years is that at least one person pops the question about becoming their lover officially. Is it different between two guys? "What is the nature of  our relationship? Moreover, what do I mean to you?" Kazuki wasn't expecting me to ask those things, but he giggled a little after he processed his words. "I figured you already knew that answer, but from the day you accepted my feelings for you I always thought of us as a couple. I suppose having an actual talk would have been more of a formal and straightforward way of doing it though." Kazuki pats the top of my head. "And for what you mean to me..." he pulls me in closer to hold me by my waist. "Back when I first met you, I didn't know what to think. What I saw was a husk of a man. You were a robot in human form. No emotions and it was like every move you done out of calculation rather than free will. I didn't care much at first till Kyu-chan told me bits and pieces about you. During that time I was also struggling heavily with the Yuzuko's death, but when I realised that I could honour her by passing on her kindness and helping you in the same type of way she did for me." This is the first time in awhile Kazuki has opened up. His wife is normally a forbidden topic. "It took nearly a year for you to be comfortable enough around me to relax. I thought about giving up several times, but I'm glad I decided to keep trying. You started talking to me and I was finally able to get to know you. We were no longer strangers living under the same roof, but friends. It was a major breakthrough, I felt like I was really making a difference in your life and it was satisfying to see you gain some sense of individuality to give yourself a break from being depressed all day. It was around then that I believe to have started developing feelings for you. I remember seeing you blossom into a person and it touched my heart." Kazuki has been this way for close to two years? "I suppressed those feelings and distracted myself with various women trying my absolute hardest in attempt to prove that I couldn't possibly be into you that way. If we never took in Miri, I probably never would have faced myself and gave in. She was biggest tipping point for us both in our own personal growth. I couldn't deny it anymore. I realised how important you are to me, how much happier I am when you're by my side, how much my heart flutters when I'm touching you. You are everything to me, Rei." My chest tightens at the whole speech he just told.

Feelings are a bizarre part of human nature. They indirectly influence your everyday life and no one questions it. Coming to the realisation that you feel different about a specific person or object has the potential to alter you as a person.