Yellow Tulips

Love, Tim

For Lori

The sun rose, but my spirit was buried. The bright moon may be seen at night, but I was in a cave of sorrows and darkness. The stars glisten above as well as the tears in my eyes.

I don't want to believe it. I don't want to face the reality.

We spent the Christmas without him. We welcomed the New Year without him by our side. We step to another day, missing him.

All I wanted was to bring him back to me, but when I saw his family cried. And when I saw him with my own eyes, laying on the bed, lifeless... I beg to be in just a nightmare, I have nothing to do but accept that I can't do anything...

Tim is gone. My Tim is now gone.

Paulit-ulit kong kinukumbinsi ang sarili ko na nasa madilim na bangungot lamang ako. Pilit kong sinasabi sa isip ko na makikita ko pa siya... ang ngiti niya, ang maganda niyang mga mata, ang magaan niyang presensiya. Gusto ko pa siyang mahawakan... hindi pa ako nawawalan ng kaunting pag-asa na babalik pa siya... na babalikan niya pa kami.

Pauli-ulit ko ring sinisisi ang sarili ko, na kasanalanan ko ang lahat. Dahil sa 'kin nadamay siya sa gulo. At dahil do'n, I said sorry to his family for countless of times. But they were just too nice to comfort me that it is never my fault.

"Promise me that whatever happens tomorrow and after... you will continue to fill your life with joy and spend the rest of it with your son,"

His words of compromise were all that was left behind.

How can I even continue my life without you, Timmy?

Will I ever be happy again like I used to whenever I'm with you?

I will break my promise to him because my life and faith were taken with him.

I will never see life the way you taught me, Tim.

———

I was sitting on my hospital bed while my son was lying on my arm, currently on my 2nd day. I caressed his pinkish cheek and I smiled when he slightly twitched, he is such a beautiful baby. My tears drop as I blink when my mind reminisces everything.

Two days without you... days and it feels like forever.

I don't want to let you go. I can't let you go.

Nics suddenly reacted as she turned on the television in a hurry. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin at parang hindi siya mapakali habang hawak-hawak ang phone niya.

"What's going on, Nics?" I asked her.

"Just watch," she pointed at the TV.

Kunot-noo akong bumaling doon at mas lalong nagtaka nang makita ang isang tao na kasalukuyang binabalita.

The guy who is responsible for all of this. The guy who caused the scar in me. The guy behind everything.

Six was aggressive and animalistic during the incident while the police were chaining him. He was like growling and he turned red while trying to escape.