Even If It Means War || Ennead

Happiness

Happiness never lasts long. Humans strive for happiness for if they stay sad for too long, the majority of their short life will be spent in sadness before they inevitably end up floating through the Duat.
Seth could understand the desire to be happy, it was nice to be happy. But when you're an immortal being, happiness became subjective. There was no reason to be happy because your lifespan was not limited. There was no way to determine whether you have spent the majority of your life in pain or happiness since there was also no way to determine how much of your life you have left. Eternity wasn't determined by a number, it was a simple yet unimaginable term.

No matter how much one thought about it, happiness could have no such special place in the life of a god as it did in a human's life. And somehow, Seth still wished for a little bit of happiness. A long time ago he had been truly happy, yet didn't realize how temporary it all was.

And now after learning his lesson, he should know better than to wish for something as fragile as that again. Pain, as he knew now, would follow at one point. So being happy couldn't truly mean happiness in a god's life if pain would inevitably follow without a promise to end.

But there was one thing Seth knew for sure, and that was that he'd be very happy if Horus stopped staring at him.

Seth was seated once again at the front side of the ship that was taking them back to Egypt. Horus had made himself comfortable not too far away and kept himself entertained by watching Seth stare off at the water.

Horus watched Seth as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the warm wind that brushed over the surface of the Ocean. He looked beautiful like that but something was missing. Somehow, his Uncle had changed so much while he was away. It made Horus nervous and his spine tingled at the thought of all the things his Uncle probably endured while he was busy catering to Hathor's fantasies.

He wondered about what Seth had experienced in Hellas. What kind of people did he encounter? What kind of food did they feed him? Did he ever feel lonely or missed the touch of sand against his feet?
So many questions and all of them left unanswered.

"Will you stop staring at me or what?" Seth turned to look at him but even his glaring was so unfamiliar now with how his eye color had changed from that penetrating red to a dark black.
Horus disliked it. Black wasn't a color that suited his Uncle, and neither did the clothes of a foreign land.

"What if you run away again?" Horus replied and smiled under his headdress, "It would be a shame to return home with empty hands." His mother would kill him.

She originally didn't approve of Horus tagging along to retrieve Seth from Hellas but Horus acted behind his mother's back and waited until the ships had been far enough out in the sea before flying out to join them. Thoth had spent the majority of their first day at sea trying to convince Horus to go back, to no avail.

"I didn't run away." Seth crossed his arms, chin high and proud.

"So then he did kidnap you?" Horus raised an eyebrow that Seth couldn't see.

"No. Shut up." Seth huffed and rubbed over his face. They had been out on the sea for a couple of days now and it was beginning to show on Seth's face how tired he was. Just this morning Horus could hear him throw up into the sea, though there probably wasn't much to begin with since he hadn't eaten ever since they started the journey home.
Soon the sun would set and he would spend another sleepless night in the ship's cabin.

Horus made his way over, "Uncle, why did you go to Hellas?"

"Does it matter? I'm on the way back to Egypt now." Seth shook his head and leaned against the wood of the ship.

Horus sighed and looked up at the sky, cloudy for the first time since they left Hellas. Was Nut really that unhappy that her son was returning to Egypt? Seth must have noticed it too because he closed his eyes as if trying to ignore the resentment his mother was showing him even now.

They would be there soon, just a couple more days. And then what? Horus would go back and marry Hathor. Seth would go back to hunting down the lost souls. Life would continue, and pain would continue. There was no escaping it.

"Do you love him?"

"What?" Seth opened one eye to look at Horus.

"Do you love that god from Hellas?" Horus tried to keep his voice from shaking with insecurity. What would he do if his Uncle admitted to loving another man? Would he have to live knowing that he ripped his Uncle away from his happiness? Could he live knowing that he was the reason Seth would have to endure whatever else pain waited for him in the future?

Seth opened his mouth to say something but at that moment the sound of thunder ripped through the air and suddenly Seth was clinging to Horus, his nails digging into his naked skin as his breathing picked up the pace.
His mother was not one to yell often but when she did, it reminded him of the thunder in the sky. Unfortunately, it was like that the other way around as well.

They stumbled back, legs tangling up and gravity pushing them to the floor of the shaking ship. A whimpering sound forced its' way past Seth's lip, something he would have never allowed to happen.

Horus didn't hesitate and picked Seth up, carrying him away into the cabin as a sudden rush of rain traveled over the ocean. He settled the trembling man into a bed that was not meant for two people but Horus wouldn't complain.

Just like that he held his Uncle close in his embrace as he trembled and flinched with every returning roar of thunder.
Hours later Horus' skin was covered in scratch marks that he ignored and instead pressed a kiss to Seth's forehead, whispering quietly that everything would be fine, that he needn't be afraid of anything.

The seriousness of the situation became clear when Seth didn't even try to deny his fear and just clung to him. In every other instance, Horus would've thought it to be cute but it wasn't when he tried to figure out how to quickly help his Uncle.

Somehow they ended up with their heads under the soft sheets, pressed together in the narrow bed. The sound of the ocean and the thunder was muted by the sheets, not much but it sufficed to calm him down just a little.
And Horus didn't complain when Seth tugged the heavy headdress off his head, his hand remained resting on his cheek. Their eyes met, black on blue, and Seth's thumb stroked his face slowly, softly. It was dark underneath the sheet but not enough to hide Horu's face from Seth's curiously exploring eyes.

"I don't." he whispered.

"You don't?" Horus asked, voice raspy with how his heart was beating in his throat.

"I don't love him." Seth rephrased, his eyes unintentionally flicking to his lips.

"That's...good." Horus didn't know what else to say. He turned his head and kissed Seth's palm. Again, the sound of thunder right above them, and Seth sighed and pressed his head into Horus' chest.

They laid there like that, his ear pressed to the warm skin while listening to the heartbeat. And Horus knew that now there was no doubt about how he felt towards Seth as his Uncle tapped his fingers on his face in rhythm to the quick beating of his heart.

And maybe something else happened that night, something that Horus had dreamt of for a long time. Soft touches, parallel to the motion of the waves beneath them, the flickering of candles. Gentle kisses and unspoken affection.
It washed over them like the warm air of the desert on a sunny day from a time long, long ago.
And maybe the clothes of the foreign land ended up somewhere in the corner of the cabin and made space for the Egyptian heat that could not be replicated anytime else but in that very moment.

Maybe happiness wasn't forever but all they needed was one night.