The Unlocked Notepad.

5

tw// sa and sh

what did you say?
nothing.
did you tell him to stop?
no.
did you fight back or tried to defend him?
no.
then what did you do?
I ran, until I couldn't catch breath.
that's the thing about traumatic situations
your body freezes up.
the brain shuts up.
the mouth goes mute.
and all you feel is fear.

and that fear will haunt you,
as a long- last trauma.
even the slightest glimpse of anything,
that is connected to that traumatic event
will cause you panic attacks.
days might pass,
weeks,
months,
and years
but that one moment will never leave you
and will haunt you like a ghost.
the child didn't realize that a man in 30'
could fucked up her whole life in few minutes.
she's in a such a vulnerable state.
barely aware of what's going on.
but god she wished she could've done better,
or atleast said something,
but she just couldn't.

and she blamed herself for that everyday.
she hated golden earrings,
because it reminded her,
how the creepy man with a grin on his face said, that it looks beautiful on her.
she hated everything that reminded of that day.
how can I escape this past trauma?
she always wondered.
and that's when the glimpse of light and happiness arrived in her life.
she found herself laughing at his words.
he unintentionally slowly healed her,
to the point she forgot all that trauma.
for the first time, she received that safety and love, that she never received from his dad.
she craved it more.
but right when she felt safe and comfortable with him, the young boy had to left her.
RIGHT WHEN I GOT ATTACHED?
she wondered, again.
am I abandoned again?
he was the first boy to touch her with her contest, all that jerk strangers who made her feel horrible, but this one was different.
rather she craved his touch, infact he is the only man who can touch her without making her uncomfortable.
It felt like fever dream to her.
but it disappeared.
he disappeared.
she was empty, again.
he came as a light to her darkness,
so she just can't let him go now.
he still says i'm here for you.
but is he really?
is he still the same sweet boy that she fell in love with?
does he feel still feel the same exact about the girl, like he felt before?
no.
and that was the bitter truth she had to accept.
all her friends say fuck him.
but she still love him the same way she did before.
the incident that happened 8 years ago repeated.
the kid who couldn't defend a man in 30'
could just cry and bleed until she felt numb.
she cut and vanished all the disgust in red.
she rubbed and cut all the places the stranger touched until blood flowed all over floor.
what that kid feared the most then was blood.
little did she knew that even her teenage is filled with red?