The Scars Run So Deep

Safe House

We'd been in the car for about twenty minutes and she hadn't uttered a word, her face etched deeply in thought. I wondered whether to talk to her or keep the silence that was far from welcoming, well not to me at any rate. I glanced once again at her face, she was crying softly... Now, I maybe many things but I don't like to see a woman cry.

"Check the glove box, there's probably something in there to wipe your eyes... and have a look see if there's a CD we can play, we've got about another hour to go judging by this traffic. It might keep me awake if there's some music playing."

There was a small smile of thanks upon her face as she routed through finding something to wipe her eyes... I noticed she didn't choose any music; this hour was going to drag along.

"Mr. North, you seem uncomfortable in my presence, this both confuses and concerns me as we are going to be spending a lot of time together from now on. I believe we should talk, see if we can gain some mutual understanding... some basic knowledge of the other? I am fully aware you cannot go into detail into your life but surely we can find something, perhaps we both enjoy or have an interest in."

She was serious, however, what could I tell her about my life? That I spent most of my nights fighting off my past, remembering how I'd stood shaking with fear and cold with a noose around my neck? Or that the tattoos that now adorned my body were a constant memory of the eight years I had spent in a Russian jail. How I had felt lost and betrayed by this country, by the man who was my Boss but also someone I called a friend. Yes, we'd gradually moved forward but the senses of betrayal and hurt stayed in my heart. I was lost in the memories once again, lost to thinking of the torment inflicted on me by Oleg Darshavin the beatings, the constant mental and physical torment, the water boarding that still made me afraid at times to be near the water... God the rain pouring down could terrify me. That was a minor detail, I refused to let anyone at the grid know, and I didn't need anyone seeing me as being the unbalanced member of the team. The one who needed their sympathy. I was Lucas North, I was strong, I was a survivor, this would all pass and I'd be fine. Lying to myself, it came so easily...

I shook my head softly, and knew she saw me do it. The woman was watching me closely, and it was irritating me... I turned the radio on, and concentrated on the song that was playing, The Calling... I knew who it was, had bought the CD only recently. The music distracted me, and hopefully, Elena from asking me questions I either could not, or would not be able to answer. My life, was well my life and I didn't want anyone in it.

Finally... after the longest hour and a half drive of my life, we pulled up to the back of the safe house located on the outskirts of London. It was so quiet out here, it was one of the reasons I had chosen it. Yes, there was life around, houses not too far but most of the inhabitants of said houses would be currently enjoying the slopes of Cloisters and St.Moritz; it wouldn't seem strange that we were moving into the house so early. I looked at Elena, her face was full of apprehension, and I found myself feeling sorry for her. The moment she had contacted us, her entire life had changed, and until this was all resolved she wouldn't know to what. I found myself with my hand on the base of her back pushing her gently towards the waiting CO19 officers and other handlers, nameless men, I had no need to know their names. They all knew mine and that was the important thing. I was the man they would be coming too, if, God forbid, there was a problem. I prayed that it wouldn't happen, for once could things go to plan and I could return to my quiet flat and be alone. Solitude... it made me sane and insane all at once, but it what I craved.

"Come on, let me show you around, and explain everything to you... it's going to be fine. Everyone who is here right now is here to keep you safe. It's what we do, and we're good at it. You're going to walk out of here in a few weeks time and find yourself with a new, better life. I am going to be here all the time, well, most of the time. If you need me, one of these guys here will know how to get me and I'll be right back here. I promise."