The Scars Run So Deep

The Desire For Revenge

We were living in the small house in Matfield and life although different was better than it had ever been. The clock in the hallway stuck two in the morning as I made my way quietly to my daughter's room. I, Lucas North a man who had been broken and beaten physically and emotionally had a daughter.

Bonnie North, at six months was the apple of my eye. She was the image of her mother who I had left sleeping in our bed... when had I got so lucky? I had a girlfriend who knew me, and loved me as I was and expected nothing more from me than I could give her. She supported me when I thought my world was going to crumble, when the nightmares that haunted me became too strong to hide away. Elena was haunted too, there were nights when it was merely the fact that we were so exhausted from working and looking after Bonnie that we slept. I had become used to waking to Elena screaming out in her sleep, the name on her lips alternating between my own and Alexander's, it tore my heart apart to feel so helpless as I tried to draw her back to warm comfort of our bed and my loving arms and away from the nightmare she lived through from the beginning to the end.

The burning rage threatened to consume me once more even as I held my chubby little girl in my arms and made my way down the quiet stairs and into the kitchen that was lit only by the light of the early morning moon.

“We have to be quiet little angel, your Mama needs some sleep now you rest there in your chair and I'll warm your milk.”

The bottle of expressed milk warmed in the bottle warmer as my hands gripped the kitchen worktop, my knuckles going white. Every fibre in my body screamed out the same thing. Alexander Dimitrov had to to die, it wouldn't help Elena's dreams end but it would end the day to day fear I saw in her eyes. I had heard her whisper to Bonnie that she had to try to remember her Mama because one day she wouldn't be here, that a bad man was going to take her away from us.

Over my dead body would I let that happen.

Dimitri knew of my plans and was willing to help me in any conceivable way, Alexander Dimitrov was being held in a prison in Manchester, well away from Elena and I but by being in the country it still wasn't far enough for my liking. We had discreetly kept an eye of Dimitrov and knew that he was being transferred to another prison which meant we would have access to him without cameras not that such a small trivial thing like closed circuit television was problem to us with people like Tariq we could turn to.

Turning back to my gurgling and smiling baby girl I knelt down and then sat on the cold floor as I watched her drink the warm milk.

“Sweetheart, I promise you now that Daddy will keep your Mummy safe. She will be with us for a long long time and no bad man will ever hurt her again. On the love I feel for you both, I swear it now.”

It was as if she understood the severity of my words as her blue eyes bore into my own and the sweet sleepy smile that had been on her cherub like face had faded.

After lifting up Bonnie and burping her over my shoulder I paced the kitchen softly singing to my baby girl feeling her soft face tuck into my neck and the sound of her snuffle in her sleep making me relax. I settled into the kitchen chair and held her close, it had to be today that everything would change once and for all. I found myself matching my breath to my daughters, her sweet innocent beauty and the love I felt for her Mother keeping me sure in what I had to do. My letter to Harry Pearce was in an envelope in my desk at work. For if I succeeded in my desire to end the life of Dimitrov my career at MI5 would be over. I had written to harry expressing my regret at the nature of my actions and asked him to forgive a man who found himself to full of love to stand by and see the woman he ached for, lived for suffer.

As for Dimitri.... I had no idea what he would do if we were discovered, he refused to answer when I asked him.

The sound of footsteps on the kitchen floor made me turn quickly and there with the warm glow of the hall light behind her was Elena.