The Scars Run So Deep

Back on Home Soil

The ferry landed in Folkstone in the early hours of the morning and I found myself swearing quietly to myself at being stuck in the eternal queue of holiday makers and the horrendous people carriers that took up three times as much room as my classic MG-B, in British racing green, of course. Sue me, I was making the most of the time I had before I too found myself with one of the cars I despised.

I was on English soil at long last, the feeling was incredible - eight weeks really was nothing but it seemed an eternity since I had seen Lucas and I was desperate to see him, Lord, to talk to him if I could. Beth and Dimitri had told me two days ago that there was still no sign of recovery from him. It was as if the great invincible Lucas North had given up on the fight to live and there was nothing anyone could do. It said it all that Beth had told me that Harry had even told Lucas' parents what he really did for a living - I knew firstly that Beth would never have intentionally told me something so personal about Lucas and secondly, Harry would never have told Lucas' family that if he believed there was a chance that Lucas would recover.

My hand slammed into the steering wheel in frustration, how dare they give up on him so soon. Eight weeks was nothing, a few days and they were already it would appear, planning the funeral of the father of my child. Not whilst I had a breath in my body would I let this happen, it appeared that Harry Pearce and the old men of England had forgotten how I had been perceived for so long and by so many. As much as I didn't want to, maybe now was the time to remind them of what Elena Dimitrov was capable of - I had a feeling that there would be call for the mask of the ice maiden to make her re-emergence. Looking into the rear-view mirror I saw the look in my eyes, they were cold with absolutely no emotion bar anger. I pitied the man or woman who stood between me and what I wanted.

What I wanted, was Lucas North alive and well, and if at all possible in my house in Brittany helping me raise my, no, our child together. I wanted to be a family with the man, but if he didn't want nor was able to, I wouldn't stand in his way but I had to try at least. I carried with me at all times the photograph of Lucas and I that had been taken on Christmas Day, his blue eyes had been filled with so much emotion that day, we looked like a couple in love - two people who had known each other forever and not a few weeks. How things had changed in a matter of few days, the men who had become close to, who had protected me where dead. I was haunted by the nightmares of the noise of Jasper' screams in the early hours of the morning, the harsh cold reality of what the man I had promised to love until Death us do part was capable of.

The man was a monster and I still had no idea whether he was alive or dead. Neither Beth nor Dimitri would answer the question, no matter how many times I asked. The only thing they would tell me was that he had been 'dealt with' and that he would not be a threat to me any more. It was their lack of conviction that told me that maybe it wasn't a guarantee, but I had to have some faith that they would at least endeavour to keep Alex away from me if he was alive.

Traffic began to move slowly as I made my way onto the second part of my journey to him, to where things had first begun and then ended for us all. I was going to go to the place that for so long had been one of comfort, I just hoped that when I returned there it would not be a place of nightmares. I was going home to Matfield, then to London to Lucas.

* * * 

The journey that should have taken a little over an hour was heading into nearly two, and I was getting frustrated, traffic along the motorway was at a virtual standstill due to an accident that had caused debris to be spread across the lanes. I sat bumper to bumper with other cars and found myself watching the emergency services go about their job with such calm - so many unknown people who worked tirelessly to save and protect people within this country on so many levels and never needing, wanting nor getting the credit they so deserved.