golden moon | psh. - khj. |

emotion

seonghwa's heart is racing and his palms sweating, he is that nervous. together with moon he stands in front of the door, he last walked out of four years ago. he never thought he'd come back but here he is deciding if he should just walk away. before he knocks on the door seonghwa crouches down to moon.

"okay, no matter what happens you just hold my hand and say nothing." moon wonders why but just nods.

"just remember to breathe and try not to cry." he thinks to himself before he knocks the door.

a few seconds pass and the longer it goes the more seonghwa wants to turn away. of course moon notices his nervousness so he caresses the back of seonghwa's hand with his little thump, trying to cheer him up.

"we're gonna see daddy, so there's no reason to be nervous mommy. he loves us too."

he loves us too? we're soon gonna see about that.

the door opens and when moon notices it isn't his dad standing there, he immediately hid behind seonghwa's legs since he is very shy around people he doesn't know. of course he saw them on screen but it was different seeing them in person.

"yunho?"

the tall man hurries to hug seonghwa like he'd never done before. he accepts it and looking over his shoulder he sees a few other members coming closer to welcome him with a longing hug. seonghwa never expected to be greeted like this, he thought they'd look at him like a stranger. his emotions we're already all over the place and when one of them said

"we missed you."

tears ran down his cheeks.

"I missed you guys too, im sorry."

"oh, who do we have here?" yeosang is the first person to notice still scared moon behind seonghwa. he bents down to greet him, recognizing someone out of looking at his cute small face.

"say hello to them baby, they're nice don't worry." seonghwa encourages moon.

"look how cute he is. my name is wooyoung. do you want to tell me yours?"

"Kim Moon." he answers still confused why he can't see his dad.

"Kim?" it was easy to connect the two dots, moon looks like hongjoong a lot.

"he's your child?"

seonghwa was never embarrassed about moon but he doesn't know why it was so hard to answer that question. he lightly nods his head while his eyes are glued to the ground. he was more ashamed. seonghwa was ashamed that he once lived that lavish life and there he was now, not even able to afford an apartment by himself just because he got pregnant and ran away.

"is hongjoong here?"

"no, he's at the studio with mingi."

"good."

-

while moon already became friends with all the members, seonghwa told them every bit of what happened back then. he thought they'd be grossed out or judgmental but instead they we're really supportive.

"so hongjoong doesn't know about moon?" yunho asks.

"not yet, I came here to tell everyone the truth. I couldn't continue living without him knowing about his son. but I'm scared of his reaction."

"well I don't know either. he never good in showing his feelings and lately it just got worse." one of the members explains.

"what do you mean?" seonghwa furrows his brows in question.

"he just never showed any real emotion. when we went on tour he'd smile and be happy but as soon as the show was done he was like a cold rock. all he does is music. day and night. we all knew it had something to do with you."

seonghwa thought hongjoong did better than he did, that he was the only one suffering from all of this.

"so how do you think he'll react?" san asks concerned.

"I guess we'll see soon. they just left the studio." jongho says and seonghwa starts to panic.

"w- wait! what should I even say to him?" he looks at them with tears already filling his eyes and his hands shaking. they try to calm him down and walk him to in his old, now hongjoongs room.

"its gonna be fine I promise. even if he hates you after this, we're all here for you." yunho encourages him but seonghwa is still scared. wooyoung brings moon in the room so they could wait there and talk to hongjoong alone.

moon climbs up to sit on seonghwas lap, looking at him sadly.

"mommy why are you crying?" it broke everyones heart in the room especially seonghwa's. he had been comforted by moon more often than a three year old should. it makes seonghwa feel even more weak and vulnerable.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm not as strong as you are." seonghwa whispers while moon wipes his tears.

"not true, i cry way more than you do." moon laughs which cheers up seonghwa a bit. he hugs him closely as he is the only thing that can calm him down right now. by that point everyone had left the room, giving them personal space for the things that come next.

"moonie , you know that I love you more than anything else in this world, right?"

"you say it every time." moon giggles looking at seonghwa.

"good. you remember that forever, okay?" he holds his pinky finger up and moon immediately wraps his own around his.

"i promise." seonghwa kisses the top of his head and pulls the small one into a hug again. as they were hugging each other, seonghwa noticed hongjoong stand in the door way blankly looking at both of them.

god, how long he hasn't seen him.

"hongjoong."

moon turns his head to meet his dad's eyes for the first time but before any of them could even say a word, hongjoong walked out the room, taking his jacket and shoes and leaves the dorm without any slight of emotion written on his face.