golden moon | psh. - khj. |

set me free | prequel

tw: weight, self harm, suicide !!!

praying no one hears him quietly sobbing in the bathroom at 2 AM, he covers his mouth whilst feeling the wetness on his face coming from the tears that have fallen since two faint lines appeared.

seonghwa feels his world collapsing around him. his hands shook as he held the positive pregnancy test in his hands.

"this can't be real."

his left hand finds his belly and slowly he looked down to it. where a part of someone else started to grow inside of him.

seonghwa shook his head in denial, hoping this was all just a dream he'd wake up from. but the rapid knocking on the door behind him made it seem way too true.

"i gotta pee, are you done soon?"

quickly seonghwa wiped his face on a towel and flushed the toilet he didn't even use. with his heart pounding to his chest, seonghwa hid the box in one of the cabinets and slipped the test into his pocket as the knocking from outside continued.

he took a deep breath before turning the knob to open and see who was standing in front of the door.

with his eyes wide in panic seonghwa faced hongjoong with his eyes half open, leaning against the door. of course the very last person he could even face at this moment.

without a word seonghwa stood in front of the younger before hongjoong walking past, shoving the other out of the way with his shoulder. seonghwa stumbled yet caught himself before falling. he turns his head only to get the door shut in his face. a fresh set of tears welled up in his eyes and seonghwa lets them fall.

things changed after that night. hongjoong coldly refused every attempt seonghwa would make to talk to him. he acts nice to the other members, gets them snacks and plays games with them but seonghwa was invisible to him.

maybe after all he does remember what happened.

how lovingly hongjoong looked into seonghwa's eyes for minutes long, smiling like an idiot while seonghwa tried to hide his blushing face. the deep kisses on his lips and the feather light ones on his skin. their hands intertwined in one another while their chests rose up and down.
how hongjoong traced seonghwa's perfect body with his fingertips like the most fragile yet precious vase.

seonghwa still feels the touch on his skin. the tracing and the marks the other left that seonghwa hid for days. that night he genuinely felt cared about. he made him feel like the most beautiful human on earth.

he should've known it was a lie. hongjoong didn't like him that way, he was just another drunk guy looking for fun. it was all a mistake, that now seonghwa needs to live up to the consequences of them.

seonghwa can't blame him, he wanted it as bad as hongjoong did. but he didn't know how much this would hurt. how he hardly gets acknowledged by him, his cold answers and looks. he didn't matter to him anymore. the way it affected his feelings and mental health was all a punishment for what he let himself happen.

seonghwa escaped into their room, pulling the covers up to his chin with his back turned towards the door. muffling his cries, he hears hongjoong entering the room and going back to bed. he reaches for the pregnancy test in his pocket and takes another good look at it. he could've seen it wrong, imagining things again like the feelings between him and hongjoong.

it wasn't a bad dream neither did he imagine things, he is pregnant with hongjoong's child.

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