The One I Was Waiting For.

My lily scent ^^

Mom and I quietly sit on the backseat of the car. She has such a busy schedule but she still manages this 1 hour therapist appointment twice every week. She cares so much for me. I wish I was her real daughter.
But anyway, does it matter? She loves me the same way she loves Mandy and Nia.
We reach Dr Punjabi's office. She is an Indian. She is brilliant in her work and I should really appreciate her for helping me come out of the depression after my adoption.
"Just say what comes to your mind first and what your heart approves, alright?" Mom says giving my hand a squeeze.
"Yes mom." I smile and say. Kissing her on the cheek, I walk out of the car and inside her clinic.
I sit in the waiting area for five minutes and then the receptionist sends me inside.
I sigh and go inside the cabin.
Dr Punjabi smiles through her frameless spectacles. I reply the smile and sit on the couch opposite to her's.
"So Mishi...last session I told you to talk more with your friends. Did you do that?" She asks me.
I start twitching my palms.
"Um-no. There wasn't any occasion and I don't have many friends. Just two." I say nervously.
"I see... Shiyona and?"
"Mate." I say; memorizing my second best friend.
"Why don't you talk to mate?" She asks.
"He has gone out of town for some 10 days for some family issue. I didn't approve of disturbing him there..." I say finally looking up from my palms in Dr Punjabi's eyes.
"Talk to me with your eyes like this." She gives a close mouthed smile and says.
"Okay"
She takes out a diary and starts writing something on its first page.
She writes 2 lines which I can't see what she has written and then looks up again.
"Any guy you are attracted to?" Her question tightens my body. I am all red; blushing bad.
I can't answer her. I don't know what to say. Mom said say what your heart and mind says. But my mind is blank and my heart keep skipping beats.
"You have a crush, Miss Mishi, don't you?" She says smiling naughtily at me.
"Yes," I whisper; still blushing but from embarrassment.
"Can you name him?"
I chuckle; then giggle and then clear my throat.
"There are two." I manage to say.
"Wow Mishi. I am seeing you from seven years. And now finally you got a crush- oh- two crushes!" She sounds happy and surprised.
"The first one is Rob. He is my neighbor. But he actually hates me and makes fun of me. He says I am ugly and boyish." I say while giggling. "Oh. That's not good for you....and the other one?" She says; her expressions are more like observing.
"The second one is Dave. But I really don't know why am I attracted to him. He just texted me a few times and I just find him attractive..." I get nervous again.
"Sometimes, we find the personality attractive, not the looks. Its good you like someone without seeing him. But be aware of who he is." She says. I get it!
"He calls me beautiful.. " I blushingly say.
"Oh. Where did he see you?"
"I don't really know. I am going to ask him tonight." I smile and say.
"You are a great girl, Mishi. A romantic relationship will really help your behavior..." She says and keeps the diary close.
Then she gives it to me and says "keep this. Write in it when you are in extreme of any emotion. Extremely angry, happy or confused...or anything. And bring this with you in the next session!" I take it from her. Its a blue diary with highlight of baby pink and written over it in dark pink "Know yourself"
I happily keep it in my side bag and get up from the couch. Dr Punjabi gets up too. We shake hands and she pulls me in a hug. She smells of Jasmine, like always.
Then I turn to walk towards the door when I hear her say "just keep smiling" and I smilingly leave the cabin.

Stepping into the car, mom gives me a hug and then we stay silent. She knows I don't want to talk to anyone after my therapy session and she respects my choices and be silent.
"McDonald's?" She asks me as we pass the McD store.
"Sure ." I girn and jump out of the car. I love McDonalds.
Mom and I eat our burgers and I drink my coke. She asks me about the session now and I answer cheerfully that it was better from others.
I can't believe myself. I have two crushes. Wow?
Then we leave for home. Mom drops me and then she leaves for hospital.
I walk inside when I see Rob kissing Nia in the garden. What, again?
I give them a disgusting look and walk towards the door.
"Oh-Rob, fuck me!!!" She says; and I shockingly stop at my place. My sister is so horny.
"Let's get you to bed, baby!" Rob says and I hear some noises. I half turn around to see Rob picking up Nia in bridal style and walking in his house.
They are disgusting!!!
I feel a slight jealousy. I ignore it and run to my room.
When I come back from the bathroom changing my clothes, I see the window is open and the opposite window is closed but the curtains are open.
But then I see a shirtless Rob kissing a topless Nia. I hold my breath and wide eyed watch them.
They are badly making out and Rob is pressing her boob.
I run to my window, close it and close the curtains too.
I release my breath in a sigh and sit on the bed to calm.
What the hell are they doing?
For God's sake they just met yesterday.
They are going to screw each other now!
I suddenly start tearing. I feel bad and insecure that Rob chose Nia over me. Off course she is sexier and prettier, why would anyone consider me instead of her?
I rub my tears off and then take out the diary to write what I feel.
As I write whatever my mind has, I feel better. All my inner thoughts are now known by someone. And that someone is this diary.
I suddenly realize my Dr wrote something on the first page. I turn to see what she has written.
"You may feel alone, you may feel ugly, but reality is a lot different than your negativity. You are not alone; I am with you. And you are beautiful..."
-your diary.