To rebuild our home

22

Jon's POV

It was getting darker outside, not even the stars were visible at the nightsky. The clouds were covering them up in a way that not even a little shine of light was sparking through the thick layers of the clouds. It wasn't that late but I felt tired so I quickly was able to fall asleep.

But my peaceful slumber was disrupted once again by a nightmare. In this Nightmare I saw Eduardo, he opened the door of my room in which I laid and stomped towards me in anger. I jumped at the sudden sound of him getting closer to me and could have sworn that I had locked my door, but from what I saw it seemed as if I hadn't actually locked it.

Then it happed, he cleared his throat and began ranting. "You useless waste of a human life, what are you doing here? Haven't I told you to pack your stuff and move the hell out of here. You are no longer welcome here. You are just attracting more problems here in the house and I won't tolerate this anymore. Now leave or else I am going to force you to Leave this place!" He threatened me.

I was scared and confused, all I could do was stammer out a little "what?" It was strange hearing him wanting to kick me out. It was so surreal, but yet again I could have counted that something like this would happen to me. I could have known that someday Eduardo would find no use for me and not even want to use me as a toy to mock and play with.

I was heartbroken and refused to leave. I thought that if I would stare into Eduardo's eyes just long enough and give him more time to rethink his decision he might rethink what he said to me, but there was no use. This only angered him more until he raised his fist and punched me in my face.

After this there was a blackness for a split second before I woke up in a cold sweat. A nightmare, it was only a nightmare. I tried falling asleep again right afterwards but there was no use. I was tired but not able to sleep, while thoughts were lingering in my mind again. I thought about my nightmare, I thought about them, I thought about myself and about how I wanted this story to end.

Then the urge came back to cut myself, This bittersweet urge. Just one cut and then I go to sleep I thought to myself as I walked was on my way to the bathroom. But before I reached it I looked around the corridor, no lights could be seen from under the doorframes of Eduardo's or Mark's room, so I went inside the bathroom, took a look at the clock, saw that it was almost midnight, closed the door and began rolling up my sleeves.

I feel bad about doing this, but at the same time this somehow makes me feel good as well, because I know that I deserve this and that punishing myself is the only way to be able to temporarily free myself from these negative thoughts that I so often have in my head.

I stared at the razor and was kind of hesitating before I carefully took it and hovered it over my arms. There was almost no space left on my arms, but I can reopen old scars, it's not important to me if they are still going to be visible in some years when I am never going to show my arms to anyone ever again in the first place.

Surely it might seem weird, especially now in the summer when it is going to get hot outside and I am not going to wear something with short sleeves. But it's not like anyone is going to bother me or even care about what I am wearing for a reason of not. This isn't something that people would secound guess.

Anyways I placed the cold blade on my skin again and made some slices through my soft and pale skin. Imidiently blood was flowing out of the cuts, but this didn't stopped me from continuing making new cuts and reopening old ones until I heard a knock at the door.