To rebuild our home

18

Jon's POV

I wrote one last letter where I would apologize for being such a disappointment and right after this head up to a cliff where I would take one glance back at my own life before I would end my life. This was the plan that I had in my mind.

I would finally fulfill Eduardo's wish. I grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper and began writing as tears were falling onto the sheet of paper. This made some of the words harder to read since the word's were all washed up now, but I didn't cared about that. Eduardo is most likely not even going to waste his time by reading this so why should I care about whether this is readable or not.

When I was finished I placed the letter on my bed and opened the door of my room, I looked around the corridor and saw that nobody was there so I headed downstairs and walked out of the front door. The weather was fine now but it was very windy. More clouds were forming onto the sky but still the sun seemed to be shining through.

As soon as I stepped outside I was greeted by Mark who was taking care of the garden. "Hey Jon! What are you up to?" He greeted me and asked me right after confused. "Oh, uhm....I am just going out for a walk." I said but I didn't sounded very believable so I smiled at him to show him that I was fine. Of course I tried to hide my sleeves as best as possible since they were slightly stained with blood.

"Alright, then have fun I guess." He just said, but still there was worry in his voice. I was relieved that he wouldn't ask me anything else. So, I headed out and began walking, I walked until I reached a cliff that was high enough to jump from and die. I sat there at the rim as my legs were hanging from the cliff. I didn't looked back at our house, I didn't had the strength to do this. "Goodbye Mark and Eduardo. You finally got what you wanted and I will finally be free." I muttered out before I stood up and closed my eyes to make myself ready of the fall to death.

All I had to do was lean forwarding and then everything would turn out fine again. But I couldn't. I couldn't do this, the fear of dying was somehow bigger than the desire to die. I couldn't kill myself. I took a step back from the cliff and sat down again. I placed my head down on my knees and wrapped my arms around my head while I was silently sobbing to myself.

What am I supposed to do now? Was the only question that went through my head. Now Eduardo is going to read the letter and figures out that I am nothing more but a coward who can't even do something as simple as jump of a cliff. Eduardo was right, I am useless. I should have died back then, but I guess that not even death would want to take me.

I should be dead right now, this just isn't fair. All that I do is be trouble for Eduardo and Mark. I can only imagine how high the hospital costs were and the costs for a new dishwasher. I didn't wanted this, I didn't wanted them to spend all this money on me or to even rush me over to the hospital. When I think back at this moment right now when I got hit by the missle, everything was so perfect, Eduardo was even holding me. In my imagination things even turned out better. The way it should have went was that I was giving him a smile from what I thought that it would have been the last and after this I would have died and Eduardo would have been glad. But I unfortunately didn't had this luck and now I am stuck here sitting right in front of my only way out, but without the courage to commit into ending this issue once and for all.

I sat there and cried until the sun was beginning to set, it was still warm outside, but not as warm as an hour ago. Also the wind was beginning to blow stronger. How many hours might have already passed? How long have I been sitting and crying here? Are they getting suspicious and asking themselves why I haven't returned back yet? I was just lost in my thoughts with questions that I could simply not answer.