To rebuild our home

24

Jon's POV

"But why? W-why w-would you want to see my arms?" I asked him back and hoped that he wouldn't insist into seeing them, but there was no use. He only kept on blocking my way and demanded me to show him my arms.

I felt as if I had no other choice, so I slowly extended my arms in front of him and let him unravel the chaos that was hidden underneath the sleeves. As soon as he lifted up my sleeves he saw the gauzes that were on some parts drenched in blood and suddenly stopped his movement. He frowned and opened his mouth slightly, but closed it again afterwards. There was nothing that he could have possibly said to this sight.

His hands were even starting to shake, but still he moved on and carefully removed the gauzes to see how much damage I have done to myself. I thought that it wouldn't be that bad, but from his gasp and the tears that were forming in his eyes, I then realized that it was worse than I have thought.

I closed my eyes and let him finish up unwrapping my gauzes. I just couldn't stand looking in his face filled with despair. I was disappointing him, I was making him sad, I wasn't doing the right thing yet again. But it felt right to me, it felt like something I deserved, something that brought me back at ease.

When he finished I slowly opened up my eyes and saw right into his tear stained face. "W-why have you d-done this to yourself Jon?" Was the only thing that he was able to stammer out. "I..." I didn't knew how to explain the need to do this to myself to him. But after a few seconds I said something again that should wrap up the reason to why I have been doing this. "I deserve this." I said out not louder than a Whisper.

"No, you don't deserve doing this to yourself. All these days were you refused to eat and were most of the time spending alone in your Room. Were you already doing this to yourself back then?" The blond male questioned still in disbelieve. "Yes..." I responded ashamed of myself.

"I should have known, I should have known better from the signs that you gave me that you were doing something terrible to yourself, but I would have never thought that you would actually go so far into hurting yourself in such a way. Another thing that I have been thinking about is the 'walk' that you were taking for six hours yesterday. What were you really doing back then?" He asked me, but was nervous to hear the answer. "I walked to a cliff and wanted to jump from it. I thought that when I would end my life that you guys would be happier-" I explained before I got cut off.

"This isn't the truth Jon. You don't know the truth Jon. Like I said, we both love you in reality, but we weren't able to show you this well enough. Sometimes we were angry at you because of the stupid thing's that you would have done, but this doesn't meant that we hated you. I am not the best kind of guy when it comes to expressing affection towards someone that I like and Eduardo is even worse at doing so. But deep down he cares about you and he loves you." He explained to me, but I still found it difficult to believe him.

"I'm not sure if I can believe you. Someone who would love you, wouldn't beat you up and tell you how much he despises you or wishes for you to be dead." I answered while tears were starting to Form in my eyes as well.

"Jon, I wish that I could tell you how Eduardo truly feels about you so that you believe it, but I can't. I think that it would be better if the three of us would settle this tomorrow morning so that Eduardo could tell you right into your face that he likes you and only treated you this way because.....Well, he knows better why he was treating you this way." He told me in a calm manner in order to ease up this situation.