My Lavender - Hyunlix

8

I just sit there, lost in my thoughts of what to do next. I haven't been this desperate in a long time. If it were up to me, I wouldn't go up to my room anymore and change schools on the spot, preferably far away from this school here so that I no longer have to be afraid of seeing someone I might know. Far away from Timo and the others - that it won't hurt me if he's really going to out me in front of my friends. I really hope that he has at least some common sense and won't do it, but unfortunately I know Timo far too well and know that he would do anything to harm me, no matter how bad it is. Unfortunately I can't do anything about it and I have to live with it, even if it would tear me down incredibly.

Just the thought that Hyunjin would hate me if he found out about this breaks my heart, I couldn't handle it - he's my comfort person and my best friend. I don't give a damn how much I would be bullied, but the thought of Hyunjin becoming one of those bullies if he found out about it would be beyond my heart. It's getting darker and darker and not many Students are outside, which is why I slowly have to make my way back inside, even though I'd rather just sleep outside. Arriving in the room, I see that Timo is no longer sitting with the others and everyone is looking at me askance. I just grab a few clothes out of my suitcase and then disappear into the bathroom to take a quick shower so that I can go straight to sleep afterwards. I let the warm water run down my body and enjoy the time in the shower.

I just noticed that I have to come out of the bathroom without makeup and everyone will probably look at me - fuck. Hyunjin now knows about it, but he's the only one who knows. I didn't even think about that, what do I do now? Well, actually there's nothing I can do about it. I'm definitely not going to sleep with makeup on, I have to accept the fact that everyone gets to see my freckles. My day is shitty enough anyway – what the heck. I pad out of the bathroom and then put my clothes in my suitcase and then also climb up the stairs to my bed. ,,I'm going to sleep but you can go on talking or something I have no problem with that'' I say smiling and then lie down and put my headphones in my ears to listen to some more music. I can't sleep for a long time, especially not when that annoying room light is on, but I just don't want to sit with the others.

Hyun<3: Lix?
everything alright?
I kinda have the feeling that you're sad
or something is wrong

I watch the messages pop up at the top of my screen and feel a small smile form on my lips.

Felix: All good, I'm fine

Hyun<3: You've been so quiet since Timo came
are you sure everything is ok?
I'm not stupid Lixie

Felix: I'll tell you what's going on
When I'm ready to. I'm sorry..

I put my phone away and then close my eyes and try to finally fall asleep, which is not easy for me, but after what feels like forever, I finally manage to fall into the land of dreams.

.....

The alarm clock starts ringing and I open my eyes annoyed, it takes a moment until I realize where I am again. I look to the right and see Changbin sit up on the bed and turn off his alarm. We agreed that Changbin is responsible for the alarm clock because he is the only one who has an android and its alarms are always incredibly loud, one we would certainly not overhear. I give changbin a tired smile as he looks at me so he gives me a smile too. It's weird waking up in the same room with your friends. We've never had a sleepover together, I only once slept in bed with Hyunjin, when he was so drunk and didn't want me to leave his room so I slept with him, but other than that we never slept in the same room. It's weird, but also kind of beautiful. I climb down the stairs and see that Hyunjin is the only one still asleep. Even an earthquake wouldn't wake him up, as deeply as he sleeps. I shake him until he opens his eyes before I grab my clothes and disappear into the bathroom. The problem of us all sleeping in the same room is that you can sometimes see skin, I don't want my friends to see my body or anything else, which is why from now on I just lock myself in the bathroom and change there, then I have also time for my makeup.

When I came out of the bathroom everyone was already ready, because of my makeup I have a bit longer than the others. When I have packed everything back into my suitcase, we make our way to breakfast. we sit down again at yesterday's table and wait for the food to be brought to us. I can feel Hyunjin looking at me from time to time, so I just keep looking the other way or giving him a faint smile - my behavior is incredibly childish, but I can't help it. The breakfast is again incredibly delicious, I have no idea what it is but it is edible and that's all that counts. A little later, luka and Timo appear, they both woke up a little later than we did.
I try to ignore Timo as much as possible and talk to Minho a bit, I found out that he has three cats and cats are my absolute favorite animals, which is why we often talk about the three. As a little kid I always wanted a cat but I never got one and Minho is lucky enough to have three of them! He promised me that one day I could visit them with him, I'm really looking forward to that. When the last of us had finished eating, we got up and made our way to the kitchen to hand over the plates. I was about to walk with Minho when suddenly someone grabbed me and I immediately see Hyunjin next to me. ,,Come with me". Without saying anything, I walk after him and a little later we arrive outside. ,,What is it?'' I ask confused and Hyunjin wastes no time on it and gets straight to the point.

,,I'm not stupid and you know that too, you've changed a lot since Timo has been with us, what's going on?" For a moment I consider whether I should just tell everything, but for my own safety I ignored this idea again. ,,It's okay, I'm just shy" I lie to Hyunjin, knowing he won't buy this, but it's still worth a try. ,,do you know each other? After all, he's also from Australia and yesterday he looked at you as if he somehow knew you'' shit. ,,I'm not ready to talk about this Hyun" I lower my head and just want the conversation to end as soon as possible. ,,Okay, just answer this one question for me and I won't bring this up again until you're ready to talk to me about it. You just have to say yes or no but you have to be honest'' I look up and wait for Hyunjin's question. ,,do you like him? Or well, does he like you?'' I shake my head and look at Hyunjin with a sad look, but I'm strong enough to fight back my tears. Hyunjin nods understanding and then hugs me. ,,I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything and I would always stand by your side no matter what's going on. I'll wait until you're ready to talk, please just remember that I'm here for you, ok?'' I nod and tighten my grip a bit, words aren't coming out of my mouth right now or I'd probably start crying. After a few seconds we break away from each other and he gives me a gentle smile, which I give back to him. ,,Let's go back to the others and get ready for today'' I nod and walk next to hyunjin.

,,Oh, there you are finally" Changbin says when we enter the room. ,,We had to talk about something but now we are here'' Hyunjin laughs and throws himself on his bed. ,,Don't lie down, otherwise we won't get you out of bed in time'' I grab his legs and try to pull him out of his bed, which is not that easy because Hyunjin is really huge in contrast to me. ,,only 5 minutes'' he says and grabs his pillow to hug it, Minho and Changbin start laughing out loud and I also start laughing. When I finally had Hyunjin on the floor, he looked at me in a mock offended manner. ,,okay, okay" he says and then gets up and grabs some clothes to change. Meanwhile, Changbin and I sit down on Minho's bed because we've both finished long ago.

,,Want to watch a movie together tonight? I took my laptop with me'' Minho asks the group after he has finally put on his shoes and all three of us immediately shout 'yes'.