My Lavender - Hyunlix

13

Hyunjin's body is warm, I close my eyes and enjoy his closeness because I can't change it anyway, Hyunjin is strong and I could never defend myself against him. ,,What was your first thought when you found out that I'm gay?'' I don't know why but I'm incredibly interested in this question. ,,Hmm" he mumbles. ,,At the first I was surprised, I never thought that you are gay because you don't behave like Jisung for example. I was surprised that I didn't notice and at the same time I was angry at myself for making one or two inappropriate comments near you about Jisung. But I never found it bad or disgusting. Timo was at the wrong address with me if he thought that I would hate you or bully you because of that'' I nod slowly. ,,Thank you" I mumble and hug his arm with my hands. ,,Thanks for not looking at me differently now that you know about it" Hyunjin tightens his grip and doesn't say anything more. I close my eyes and quickly fall into the land of dreams.

,,Lixie, get up" I hear Hyunjin's sleepy voice, so I slowly open my eyes and try to get used to the light daylight in the room. ,,mhm?'' I mumble sleepily. ,,We have to get up, school starts soon'' when I hear the word school, my stomach turns, I don't want to go to school. I immediately begin to tense up. I don't wanna see Timo and the others.

,,Lix, I know you're scared. Minho, Binnie and I are here for you. You will not be alone for a second today and if even someone dares to do something to you or tells you something then I will take care of it. You can't lock yourself at home now, you can't run away from it forever. When Jisung came out, he was the topic of conversation for weeks, but now nobody cares anymore now. We are here for you'' Hyunjin snuggles closer to me and tries to give me as much comfort as possible. I swallow empty and try to stay calm, even if my whole body feels like it is exploding inside. ,,Okay" I say softly. ,,okay I'm coming to school'' I don't know if I'll regret it or not but Hyunjin is right, I can't run away from it for the rest of my life. A little later we get up and get ready for school, for once I don't cover my freckles. Because if I have to cry, it won't do me any good anyway.

When we arrived at the school, Minho and Changbin immediately hugged me. ,,Hello lixie!'' they say happily and take away a little bit of my nervousness - at least I know that my friends are there for me. The three of us stand on the school grounds and wait until the bell rings. For once, we arrived at the school a bit earlier than usual because Hyunjin got up earlier for once. I stand between Changbin and Hyunjin, trying to block out the eyes of the other students as much as possible, which is not particularly easy when you can hear them whispering at the same time. I hate being the center of attention, especially now that it's even for a negative point, what did I do to deserve this? I just listen to my friends talking, I'm grateful that the three of them don't ask me anything and they accept that I just listen. it is quite unusual to be at school so early, otherwise we would have been sitting in the classroom long ago because we always arrived a little later.

,,Come on Lixie" Changbin calls me and together we go to our usual classroom and sit down to wait for the class to start. My hands are wet, I'm sweating profusely, even though it's not that warm anymore. My body always reacts by sweating when I'm nervous. Changbin tries to distract me with different topics of conversation as much as possible and to be honest I feel a little bit better knowing that my friends are there for me, that feels good. ,,Shall we go out for ice cream in the afternoon? We have a small ice cream parlor nearby that is very nice'' I look at Changbin and think for a moment, it's never too cold for an ice cream, is it? ,,I'd love to!" I say happily. You can't say no to ice cream and I've never seen this ice cream parlor either, it's going to be great!

More and more students come into the room and I just look away each time and try to ignore them, except when Jisung enters the room, I look at him with a slight smile and he hesitantly comes towards us but when I nod at him he speed up his steps and he stops in front of my desk. ,,How are you?" he asks, looking at me with concern. ,,Could be better, but will be again. I have you and my great friends who are there for me'' I smile slightly and Jisung nods. ,,Okay, if you need anything you can always call me or come to my place. Believe me, in a few weeks, no one will care anymore that you're gay. You can do it, fighting!'' I thank Jisung and watch him sit down at his desk. ,,Do you actually have a problem with Jisung?'' I ask Changbin and he looks at me confused at first, but then shakes his head. ,,I don't care what you look like, where you're from or what you're into, I'm neutral. As long as the people are nice to me, I'll be nice to them. Jisung and I used to do a lot together, we were good friends. But over time we grew apart a bit, nothing bad or anything – we still see each other a lot since I'm friends with Bangchan too'' oh, learned something new again. ,,Bangchan? Does he go to school here aswell?'' I've never heard the name, but it sounds similar to Changbin. ,,Yes, he's one of Jisung's friends group, I'll introduce him to you one day'' I nod and then look ahead as the teacher starts the lesson.

The double lesson goes by without any further problems or anything else because everyone is concentrating on the lessons and therefore there is no time or opportunity to continue looking at me or whispering. But I'm particularly scared for the break, in the cafeteria when all the students are there and I have no way of avoiding looks, like now in class. This is gonna be a long and tiring day.

Short chapter today <3

I'm gonna be on a two week break for now on, because I wanna enjoy the time with my Friends and family, so no chapters until the 6th of May <3