|| Love, Don't kill me. ||

|| JOURNAL ENTRY 1. ||

song: Love, Me Normally.

special thanks to Grammarly for helping me spell!1!!!2

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3/8/23.

Ranpo and I decided to go to a cafe today.

Rain and somewhat cold weather.

Rain in Yokohama wasn't the worst.

Karl disliked the rain, it ruined his fur.

And I dislike the rain as well.

Usually, getting to the agency is fairly easy.

The only obstacles are the trips along the way for Ranpo, which require talking.

I'm not a social person at all, I was always a shut-in.

Never went to school and did my work at home.

Usually, Lots of people (specifically counselors) came into my house.

They discussed with my parents about me not going to school.

And surely, they found my safe spot.

My Mother and Father knew I wasn't well.

After all, I just recovered from a manic state.

Bipolar Disorder, which is what I have.

I thought it was depression for a while, but my moods kept..changing.

Some days I was happy, at funerals even.

And other days, I was locked inside all day and crying.

Sudden energy bursts...

But now, I'm sitting by my desk.

Writing this journal entry.

And why? To get my feelings out.

A combination of outrage and jealousy.

Ranpo Edogawa, Why are you doing this to me?

He adores me for no reason.

I'm a worthless mortal, Ranpo told me that a while ago.

But now.

He acts like we're companions.

My 'friend' is in the other room.

There's one thing he cannot deduct, my feelings.

Back to the cafe topic-

He even placed his hand on mine, as a form of endearment. 

I clutched my heart.

He's manipulating me, he's going to dump me after.

I'm a worthless nothing-

A waste of space.

But sometimes.

Ranpo Edogawa made me feel.

The night we kissed for a split second, by 'accident'.

I knew it wasn't an accident.

He leaned in, getting close to my face.

His defense? Ranpo said that he tripped.

He's toying with me.

After he's finished with me, I'll be nothing.

I only exist because of him.

I want to be him.

I need him.