(Teddy)
3/11/15
Dear Diary,
Mr.Bradley is making WWS write about our biggest fear and present it to the class (That's funny because my biggest fear is presenting in front of a big group of people). Then the class will point out the mistake we made in our paper. He is teaching us how to take critique from other people. As writers there will always be people to judge our story and writing. Mr.Bradley say we need to learn how to use it and make our writing better.
My Biggest Fear
I have Philophobia, the fear of love. I'm afraid of losing myself because of this person. I'm afraid that I will forget how to be happy by myself. I don't want to think about you every single day, when I wake up, when I go to sleep wondering if you thinking about me.
I don't want to worry about looking stupid or looking ugly around him, I don't! I don't want to lose my sanity hoping and praying you won't fall out of love with me.
Why must I love, why must I feel these emotions. When I look at you I get weak in the knees. I want to fall on the ground and cry. I want you to love me. I love you but you'll never love me the same amount I love you. You don't know I love you. You love someone else, you don't see me, You'll never see me this way, because I will never let you see me this way.
I'm afraid of falling in love. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get back up again. Everything that falls gets broken. I'm afraid my heart will be broken to million pieces. You'll step right over it and no one be able to fix it back together.
Someone will try but fail. They will come really close of fixing my heart but they give up, they always do. I don't blame them, I have to much problems. I would give up on myself if I could.
Those Disney movies mess me up badly. It doesn't always end in a happily ever after, it ends in heartbreak and sadness. Losing hope that the someone you love will love you back.
I push people away that I believe I'm in love with. I don't let them know me, I don't want them to see how I really am. I don't want them to fall in love with me. I don't want to find love and for all explode right in my face.
Seeing the way you look at her, the way you smile at her, the way you talk to her, kills me a little. I know you'll never look at me that way. I know you'll never feel the way I do. I caught myself before I fell, before I got too deep. I have Philophobia.
★☆★☆
Thanks for reading :)
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What scares you about love?
