3/11/15
D
iary Lily,
My Biggest Fear
I have Chronophobia, the fear of the future and unknown. I have a fear of not knowing that I want to do with my life. Not knowing what the future holds for me. Not knowing what I will become or what will happen to me.
Thought like "What if I not able to go college? Or if I will never finish school. What if I don't realize what my true calling is, I spend all my time, effort and money to be a Marketing Manager and I realize that I actually want to be a Teacher. I spent my whole life trying to be something that I'm not and its too late to change my mind! What if I never amount to anything and never amount to my families accomplishments". (I play the what if game all the time in my head.)
I'm afraid that as time goes, the future comes, which one of my friends will change or leave me. Which one of them will betray me. I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of not knowing. Being afraid of the future is something you can't really run from. Am I going to change the world? Or I'm going to cause chaos to the world?
For me the unknown and the future is like walking blindfolded and hoping you get to your location safely. Also hoping your destination is what you want. I'm terrified of all the joy that I had in the past and present is going to disappear when I get to the future. I'm afraid that high school (even though it's terrible for people like me) will be the greatest time of my life. Its all going down hill after that.
I have Chronophobia.
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What scares you about the future?
