Loving Carter

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Elijah's POV

Eli looked down at the grave in front of him, feeling a sense of longing, which turned into dread that seeped into his bones at the realization that he would never see her again.

one week earlier 

Eli had been in a daze of studying, sleeping, and eating the same shitty meals for a week. 

Porter and Del had been spending more time around him in his room, forcing him to go outside and be around them or their other friends. 

Eli appreciated the gesture, he really did, but he also wanted them to fuck off and let him breathe.

He was over Carter, he really was (or at least that's what he told himself). 

He hadn't seen her since he blew up at her in his apartment. He felt bad in the moment, and if she had turned around to look at him, he probably would have folded and gone after her.

Eli was laying in bed and he dozed off to Netflix humming in the background. 

**************

His dream started the same way it always did. 

He was a kid, standing in the rain in a yellow raincoat, watching as his mom promised she would be back, turning her back on him and walking away swiftly, her white-blond hair shimmering behind her. 

In that moment, Eli had watched her leave, confident that his mom would come back. 

But knowing what he did now, how she left him in the playground for hours until the sun came up, his dreams were plagued with delusions of him running after her, seeking an answer for what she did.

As his recurring nightmare began, he started running after her, but she kept getting further. He ran until his lungs burned and his eyes teared up and his chest was heaving but he still ran. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. His legs hurt so much and he was panting for air as she kept getting further and further away from him. 

He ran faster looking down at the ground before he glanced back up, realizing that the shadow he was chasing no longer had a tall frame and white long hair. She had short black hair, braided haphazardly.

Eli screamed, his voice silent in the nightmare he lived in as he realized he was no longer chasing his mom, he was chasing Carter, another woman who abandoned him.

*********

Eli woke with a start, gasping for air as his brain rushed to process what he just dreamed. 

Fuck.

He let out a laugh. This is the first time in the past 15 years of this dream weaselling its way into his life, that there was a change. 

Eli's laughing faded into a sigh as he thought over his fucked up dream. It was no surprise that Eli had mommy issues; the only person supposed to unconditionally love him and raise him had left him. 

The fact that these feelings of abandonment had projected into the girl he had found affection for the past few months, hurt him badly.

He realized in that moment what he needed to do. Eli needed to find his mom and get the closure he needed from her. 

He drove back to his adoptive parents that weekend and the second he saw them, he spilled it all. He told them about the dream, about Carter, about the pain and about wanting to find his biological mother.

And when they looked at each other with sadness, Eli immediately knew that they knew where his mom was.

So that's where he was now, a week later. Three hours away from campus, sitting in front of a gravestone with the name Sofia Valdez etched into the stone. 

Loving mother, daughter, and sister.

He sighed, staring at the name in pain, thinking about the woman he never got to know. 

He felt a sense of serenity in that moment. She hadn't abandoned him. She had fucking died. Right outside that playground, she was struck by a car and pronounced dead on the scene. 

His adoptive dad had been the paramedic who responded to the call; he was the last person to talk to her before she died. 

"My son. In the playground. Please take care of my baby," were her last words.

Eli smiled at the stone in sadness. She hadn't abandoned him. She was just gone.

Next chapter coming soon!