The Perfect Mess (The Bachelor's Trans Series 3)

Chapter 29

Life is beautiful but it is not always colorful. There are days you feel lonely and empty, but there are also days you feel ecstatic and lively.

You need to seize your life. Just like what Kuya Craig said, we shouldn't live in the past because we no longer live there. My Kuya is definetely correct, because if we cage ourselves in the past, our scars won't be healed and we won't be able to move on. But remember that healing will not happen in just one day, it's a process and it's okay to heal and move on slowly.

I discovered that I have talent in expressing my emotions through painting and it really helped me to get healed. We have different coping mechanism. And what you feel right now, it is valid.

I really thought na wala ng patutunguhan ang buhay ko ng makatuntong sa Switzerland. It's hard to live in foreign country far away from your loved ones. Ang hirap mag-adjust sa mga nakasanayan. I am just so lucky enough to have people who helped me and showed me hope through my darkest times. Because of them, I was able to feel freedom and made my own choices.

Wala akong pinagsisihan. Hindi ko pinagsisihan na tumakas ako sa Villa Abella dahil kung hindi ko ginawa ay paniguradong masisira ang buhay at mga pangarap ko. Masaya ako dahil may sariling pamilya na ako ngayon.

"Kumusta ang buntis? May cravings ka ba ngayon?" Masayang tanong ni Ate Alina at humalik sa aking pisngi. I smiled and shookt my head.

"Wala sa ngayon, Ate." tawa ko.

I am already 5 months pregnant. Napagpasiyahan namin ni Davian na huwag ng alamin ang gender ng baby namin, tsaka na lang kapag nanganak na ako. Kaya lahat ng mga gamit na binibili nila ay unisex.

Hindi madalas pumunta rito sina Kuya Noah, Ate Alina at Kuya Craig dahil baka raw ay mapahamak pa kami ng baby ko. We can't be careless specially that Luke and Eron Salvador are now back here in the Philippines.

Si Ate Alina lang ang bumisita ngayon dahil hindi sila pwedeng mag sabay-sabay. Hanga talaga ako sa connections ng mga Hernandez. They are so good at hiding me for so long. Kamakailan ko lang nalaman na tinulungan pala ng pamilyang Hernandez si Kuya Noah atKuya Craig para protektahan at itago ako.

Ate Alina held my hand and carressed it. "Stay brave for your baby, nandito lang kami para alalayan ka sa pagbubuntis mo."

I smiled soflty and nodded. "I know, Ate. Kaya malaki ang utang na loob ko sa inyong lahat-"

"Don't say that ano ka ba, wala kang utang na loob sa amin, okay? We are your family at gagawin namin ang lahat para tulungan ka."

I bit my lips and chuckled gently. "Nakakahiya na sa'yo, Ate. Hindi kayo maikasal ni Kuya dahil sa akin. Pwede ninyo naman ituloy ang kasal niyo kahit wala ako."

Mabilis na umiling si Ate Alina. "Maghihintay tayo. Atsaka ikaw lang ang gusto kong maging bridesmaid ko."

"Pero Ate wala tayong kasiguraduhan kung hanggang kailan."

Ate Alina sighed heavily. "Malapit na, we just need to trust them, okay?"

Tumango ako. Naniniwala naman ako sa kanila. Kina Lolo Alfonso at Lola Nadya lang talaga ako walang tiwala. Hindi ko nga alam kung totoong apo nila ako dahil sa pag-kontrol nila sa akin noon. Or maybe, I am really their granddaughter. Sadyang nabulag lang sila sa kapangyarihan at kayaman para isakripisyo nila kahit ang kanilang mga sariling anak at apo.

"For now, you need to avoid overthinking and stress." Ate Alina said and then kissed my cheeks. "Pupunta kami ng Kuya Noah mo rito ng sabay sa susunod. We'll buy Reignace clothes and other stuffs." pangako niya bago umalis.

We were laying on our bed while watching our baby kicking on my stomach. 8 months, tatlong buwan na naman ang nakalipas.

"Our baby is kicking!" natutuwang saad ni Davian at mas lalong pinakiramdaman ang pagsipa ng baby namin sa tiyan ko at bini-baby talk niya ito.