DEAR OOSUN

CHAPTER 9

the world tells me i'm too cold.

but they don't understand what lingers underneath.

they don't understand that the reason i'm frozen is

because I know what will happen if I melt.

-Alaska lane

SUNOO'S POV

It's been months being a member of an idol group now. Things are getting easier little by little. Even though I do feel nervous but I feel like I have overcome my stage fright. There is no uneasy feeling in my stomach, no dry mouth or rapid breathing whenever I have to perform infront of thousand people.

I feel like universe is finally taking my side by making me have encounter with such great people.

Members.... They are all amazing and warmed hearted person. Hee is a man of few words but very observant, and never fails to give me compliments in small things. Jay and Jake, they are the my go to person whenever I need any sorts of advices. They always have the right words to say.

Hoon is the loud introvert person. He always tried to include me in a conversation. He nudges me and kind of makes me speak whenever he find me zoning out, whether its infront of cameras or without cameras.

Yang and I spend a lots of time together. We eat together, we go to our schedules together and I have even watch a movie together with him in our dorm after a long time.

And Niki, he is the most unexpected member. I thought he won't care about a soul other than himself. But he was always there for me like my shadow. He don't usually show his affection infront of people but he express himself secretly.

He kept an eye mask on my bed when I was having sleeping problems, I find packets of protein bars inside our refrigerator whenever I am on strict diet and he often slide a hand warmers inside my pockets without saying anything.

Whenever we are alone, I find myself sharing lots of information which I would have hesitate to do with other people. I don't know why but I speak my heart with him.

And I see her often and I hear her voice whenever I am overthinking. She usually appears when I am having breakdowns.

Few weeks back when we had to perform in award show, my condition was all good during practice time but right before going on stage, I feel like vomiting, I was trembling and covered in sweats. All members seems busy doing their own thing before going on stage.

So I went to a quiet area to calm myself down as I don't want to make them nervous as well.

"Take a long deep breath Sunoo.You can do this. I am always with you. Do you want me to hold your hand?" I heard her saying and I nodded even after knowing that she won't be able to hold my trembling hand. She is just a fragments of my imagination.

To my surprise Niki came out of nowhere and handed me a bottle of water and sat beside me without rushing me.

"Don't think too much, take a deep breath and listen to your heart. You are going to ace today's performance. There are thousand of people who are waiting outside in scorching sun just to see you, to hear your voice. Be their source of happiness. Be their comfort and let their love heal you." He said looking straight into my eyes.

After hearing his kind words, I was fidgeting less, my racing heart seems at rest and there is no somersault inside my chest. I felt bit ok.

Just like he said I was able to perform well infront of huge crowds and was able to keep up with our members. If I remember right, we won five awards in various categories in that award show.