DEAR OOSUN

Chapter 13

You walked right out my front door when I wasn't done loving you yet.

How unfair is that ?

SUNOO'S POV

They say talking about your feelings helps but it doesn't work like that for me. Every time I open my mouth I feel worse than before. I feel like if they see my cracks, it won't remain cracks thereafter. They will become caves. And caves are difficult to fill.

When my grandmother told my parents about my cuts, they were not shocked and there was not an ounce of worry and sadness in their face. I still remember their face and words like it was yesterday.

"It's just a small cut. It's not near any crucial veins. It will fade."

"He is doing all these for attention." I remembered my mother saying to my grandmother.

My grandmother cried after hearing my mother's words but my mother didn't bothered giving a second glance to us. She went back to what she was doing without any care in the world.

"Can you stop being a menace? I am tired of your little acts. You don't even have guts to make deeper lines. These all acts shows your weak mind." I recalled my father saying these words looking directly to me.

My grandmother who was always soft and gentle in words and action, slapped my father that night. She cried loudly and scold him in harsh words. She was my hero that night but their words cut deeper like always.

Even though I remember my grandmother telling me to forget those words, be the bigger person and to forgave them. But their words has already took a toll on me. Their voice lingers in my soul and keeps on replaying like a broken cassette even on days I least wanted to hear it.

From that night onwards I started cutting myself deeper and more towards the crucial veins. Therefore I fear people. I am scared to show my scars to people. Because their gestures, their words hurts deeper.

When I first meet Niki, I never thought that there will come a day when I will see him cry like a baby. But I did. I saw him in tears twice.

For me, he was the cold and unapproachable hyung, with whom I thought I will talk only about works. But he was different. He was nothing but sweet from the very beginning of my idol life.

He built a space for me in his room, he gave me his time when I needed extra guidance during dance practices. He taught me lots of things about idol world silently and I am forever grateful to him.

But today he cried for me and he is the first person after my grandmother who sheds tears after seeing my scars and they were genuine. There was no shock or horror expression on his face, neither did he pass any judgement. He went down on his knees and kept crying.

So, I hugged him and told him I am doing better. He eased up a little after hearing me. But he kept making circles on my scars with his fingertips gently like his action is going to make them disappear. It didn't fade but I felt good.

When he saw my semicolon tattoo closely, he placed his lips softly on them as if thanking those little dots for keeping me alive and I felt beautiful.

He and I, we are very different. He looks like dark cloud from distance and always wear a cold expression on his face but he is a sunshine when you reach his core. He is strong, not broken and without any flaws.

But I am different. I am like those paintings in a museum, that looks beautiful at a distance, if you go near it, you will see the little flaws and little pigments it tired to hide in it's hue. If you stare long enough you will get bored. You will think that maybe it's too fragile, and too broken and too ruined to even to be sold.

So, whenever I meet someone as compassionate as him, I want him to keep his distance from me. I know that he will be better off at a distance. I wanted people like him to walk away. They can know me by my name but not by the scars that caused my flames.

Because I was already burning, I am burning now too and if they come a little closer, they will get engulfed in the fire which they didn't create.

I don't want my flames to leave him scared and scarred. And I don't want him to burn in my flames.

So, I hope we kept our distance because I didn't want to pass my flames to him.

Therefore, I told him that I will change my room. I told him I will shift to next room which is empty as one of our staff is on long leave. But he didn't want that.

He cried for a long time in my arms and kept telling me words of encouragement. When he was emotionally stable, he went to his side and kept searching for something in his cupboard and after some time he came back with a unsealed gift and a small note.

I thought it was from him but it was actually from Hoon. It was dated 17th March. There was a black sunglass and perfumes. I remember going to a duty free stores with Hoon when we had international schedules. He was the one who forced me to visit those shops.

He kept trying sunglasses and even forced me to try some and he asked for my perfume recommendations. I told him about my preferences and it looks like they bought them without telling me. The sunglass I liked and the perfume I recommended.

And the small note that was telling me to find colors in my life and it made me choke on my tears.

They say that if we want something very desperately, the universe align things for us to achieve that. But it's working opposite for me. When I wanted to live, when I needed a shoulder to cry or a ear to listen, no one was by myside.

But now when I have fulfilled her dream, my dream and when I am ready to go, the universe is making me have encounter with all those amazing people.

What am I supposed to do now?, Why is universe making me confused ?

"Do you like gentle monster products?" Niki asked watching me looking at the sunglass.

"What is that?" I asked.

"It's the name of brand of that sunglass." He said with a sheepish smile.

"Oh, I don't know about the brand, I think he bought these in duty free stores. I went to shopping with him and he kept asking for my preferences."

"You went to shopping with him?, How many times do you went to shopping with him? You too only?" There was a bit of anger in his voice.

"I don't remember, but it was nice of him to remember my likings and to buy it secretly." I said with a small smile.

"But why is his gift inside your cupboard? Did he gave every member a gift?"

"No, I think you are the only one who received such gifts from him." he said with sullen expression and then after a few minutes of silence he said,

"I thought of hiding his gifts from you in my cupboard but then I want to show you that people adores you, loves you and you matter a lot to us. So I gave his gift to you."

"But I think I made a mistake. I should have kept them hidden in my cupboard forever." He said in a serious tone with his crossed arms.

A/N : Another update which is not written at am because someone told me to take a rest.

Thank you for leaving all those beautiful comments. Those comments and votes are my blessings. They are encouraging me to keep writing.

There was a time when I thought about discontinuing this story, but one person voted on my story and I kept writing. Now I am getting comments from few angles, so I feel like I have to write more.

Keep reading, Keep commenting.... <3.