DEAR OOSUN

Chapter 19

IF HOME WAS A PERSON,

IT WOULD BE YOU.

IF HOME WAS A PLACE,

YOU WOULD BE IN IT.

YOU TAKE ALL FORMS OF

WHATEVER IT IS THAT I CALL HOME.

SUNOO'S POV

I am surrounded with mountains and lakes here. I can see groups of cheery blossom trees from my rooftop, perfect view of sunrise and sunset from my kitchen window. There is public library just stone thrown away from my place.

I spent my days there reading random books and nights in the comfort of darkness in my room. I don't sleep much. I read a lot and I spend ample time at the rooftop gazing at mountains, cherry blossoms and sunsets.

There is no crowd and rush here. No big super markets, no convenience store. Neither fancy restaurants nor big glass buildings. I can't even order take outs, I have to cook every meal by myself. But I am beginning to like this place.

I am neither happy nor sad, but my heart is calm here. It doesn't race like I am running a marathon, I don't fidget much here. I don't feel like hurting myself here.

It was not easy in the beginning. But I am finding my ways here. People genuinely likes me here, which rarely happens. My grandma's friends keeps sending me side dishes and kimchi to my place. They never fail to check on me. One of my sister's friend who works as a librarian keeps bringing books to my place. They never leave me alone.

I tried my best to keep myself busy. Whenever I feel suffocated I go for run in the woods without stopping for hours. Crying and screaming in the woods makes me feel so better.

But there are days when they keeps coming in my mind. No matter how much I tried to avoid thinking about, they keep appearing infront of me. Things, people, places keeps reminding me of them.

Today is one of those days where I wish if she can just magically appear Infront of me. In the middle of a daydream, in this moment where I am having hard time falling asleep, and in between those minutes where in all I can think about is how much I am missing them.

There are days when I miss them so much that I want to strip my heart off my chest and smother it until it stops beating.

My grandmother left traces everywhere. From the smell of blankets to the walls of my room. From the last book I have read to the last message I have received. She exist there.

She was there when I celebrated my small wins and more so when I was down at my worst. She embraced me with warmth when I was cold and offered me a hand when I have no one to hold. Now it's all memories.

When I first came here, no one was there. Her balcony's light was on and her doorstep was clean. Her small sunflower garden looked well attended too. For a minute I thought my mother was playing a sick game with me. I thought my grandma was alive. I believed that she must be taking a long nap after seeing all windows covered with curtains.

So I knocked at the door like mad person, I shouted and cried and kept calling my grandma to open the door. But no one came in sight, neither from the inside nor from the outside.

While I was banging the doors frantically and I received a call from my father.

" Hello. he said in a normal voice when I didn't said anything from myside after picking up the call.

" Are you there? Where are you?" He said.

"Gyeonggi - do" .. I said in a low voice after taking a deep breath.

"Why are you there?"

"She died here at Seoul on Monday after staying in hospital for many weeks. We did the funeral on Friday. Funeral went well. Many people from village came to give their to love to her. Everything went well. We did our best too while she was in hospital."

"There is no any sort of regret.." My father said.

"Did you asked for vacation? Are you done with your promotional activities? You don't have to go there or come here by taking leave from our company. It may ruin your image."

"Are you listening to me?"

"I am saying all these for yourself. It's not a big deal. It's not so important. I have already taken care of everything."

"Don't stay there for too long. Just go back to work. Long absence is not good for profession like idol."

"Why did not you tell me about grandma getting hospitalized?" I asked in a whimpering voice.

"Are you crying again?, Can't you handle one thing like a man? Do you always have to have a meltdown in everything?" He asked me in a hoarse voice instead of replying to my question.

"Try to forget her. That will be best for everyone."

"Son, you got your life back recently, you are standing on your feet now in sun not in darkness."

"She is the reason behind that. Grandma is the one who gave me my life back. She was the one who taught me to smile again." I said angrily cutting him while he was talking.

"I should have been there when she was in pain. I should have been there to hold her hand. I should have been there to bid my goodbyes and apology.

"I deserve that." I said in a low voice and I heard his friends talking and laughing in the behind.

" I spent whole my life proving myself to you. I was never a trouble kid. I did nothing to embarrassed you. Yet for you I am always a stigma."

"Don't create any sort of scene there. Just go back to your dorm. You will thank me one day . You are always.... I hanged up the call as his voice was giving me severe headache.

I remember going straight to ocean after talking with my father. I ran there without stopping anywhere because I thought if I stopped anywhere in between even for a minute I will find a reason to live. I don't want that at that time.

So I ran like mad person to the direction of ocean. I went inside without thinking for a second as I don't want to lose the determination or get scared.

I tried to walk till water came up to my head level, when it did I found myself drowning. It didn't panic me. It didn't scared me. I felt so at peace with life. I thought after few hours, I will get to meet my sister and grandmother. We will be together there. We will be happier there.

Then his face came infront of my eyes. I could hear his voice but it was fading as I was drowning deeper. For a minute I panic a little, thought of swimming up to see him once again. But then I remember my circumstances. I thought Niki will be better, happier without me.

So I went deeper into the ocean. After a moment I was in dazed, my eyes were falling sleepy, my both upper and lower limbs felt weak. There was no any strength left in my body. I felt into deep sleep in the bottom of the ocean.

A/N: Sorry for taking long time to update. I was super busy. I will try to update as

soon as possible now.

Keep reading, Keep commenting... Love you all AND Thank you all for waiting.