His Redemption

Chapter 21

ANWAR’S POV.

“The only reason am, letting you close to her is because, you both have a child together and that she deserves to heal, the way you betrayed her and tried to kill her by believing an evil man’s words over your own innocent wife, clearly shows what kind of a man you truly are. You love and trust no one but yourself. You claim to love her, how should I trust with my little flower, you’re the reason she is stuck in the past, you’re the reason behind her pain and her suffering from the very beginning. Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” Aziz all together yells at me as he clenches his teeth so hard that I fear they’ll fall off. Though, his teeth don’t fall but my tears keep falling one after another as he is right not to trust me with Nazreen.

The realization that no one in this world even my own family, that had cut ties with me since the day that I told them I left Nazreen, they’re the only ones that believed, she was innocent and why couldn’t I just believe them and her when she was begging me to do so. Now no one will ever believe that I truly love Nazreen even she herself will not believe me, and my heart keeps on breaking but one thing I do know is that, I deserve every bit of it.

“I’m not asking for any forgiveness from her, I only want, no I need to make her live again, to mend her unrepairable self and let her instill as much pain and hurt that I have done to her, to me too. You can blame me for anything you want, because I deserve it and I won’t deny anything except….”, my barely audible whisper was cut off again by Aziz’s mocking laughter, “you can’t bring back to life what you’ve already killed. You my friend are the reason she is dead, you murdered her happy, cheery and charming self. You murdered her soul Anwar. So don’t go around claiming that you love her”, Aziz shouted as he moves towards me with anger in his as I close my eyes, accepting the bitter hard truth. He’s completely right I truly am a killer. I murdered an Innocent soul whose fault was loving me.

‘It's my fault’ I keep on mumbling it over and over, as a way of punishing myself mentally, I deserve everything that Aziz is throwing my way. The knowledge that I truly am Nazreen’s murderer, am the man that had, claimed to love her so much, but I ended up killing her soul, with my own bare hands and actions, such kind of knowledge was enough to have my lungs refuse to take air in. Even my own body hates me. After all what kind of a husband am I. How will I be able to look at my son in the eye when he comes to know that am nothing but a monster, am not a hero that he portrays me to be.

“You can get out now.” Aziz commands, seeing my broken self slouching on the wall as I keep on mumbling. I turn to look at him flickering my eyes onto his trying to look for any sympathy that he may have towards me, but what I find causes me to flash a sad smile to him as all find is hatred for me. He’s not the same Aziz that before being my lawyer he was close to me as a father figure, someone that I had looked up to. Someone that looked at me with love and adoration as if I was his real son. But now, all I see from his eyes is, his hatred towards me and he has the right to hate me, after all a man like me, a man who was willing to shoot his own wife and believe his enemy’s words over his own wife does not deserve to be shown any sympathy or mercy. I guess that’s how much I have hurt my loved ones.

Standing up I shift my eyes to the window then I look back to face Aziz this time I look him straight into his eyes as I determinedly say, “yes, I accept that, I’ve killed her, broken her soul and hear.  However, I have the power and I believe that I can bring my Nazzy back. I can and I will mend it again, since am the one that broke and hurt and before you say it, I know that others will be able to fix what I broke but, they won’t have the strength to stick around and see that she’s completely fixed. Also am the one that has caused her heart to bleed due to the broken pieces of it and thus am the one who deserves to be turn up by those pieces without a single complaint after all am her killer. I am willing to let her take out her anger, pain and suffering and anything else she might inflict on me because I deserve it, me and not anybody else.” then I add as my eyes shift to look outside the window, where I am able to see Ayaan running around the field with his bicycle, “However, by no any means, will I live her in someone else’s hands, when I know a single blow, a slight mistake, tiny wrong or a harsh move can finish her entire lifeless existence and I can’t let that happen cause my son needs his mother, and I need her but also my little angel is too fragile to be handed over now to someone else. I further acknowledge that I don’t deserve to stay in her life anymore but I can’t leave until I make sure to take all the blows that I deserve and when my Nazreen will recover again and she’s able to bloom to life again, then I’ll let her choose anyone that she wants to spend her life with.”