His Redemption

Chapter 22

ANWAR’S POV.

Reading Nazreen’s novel has led me to understand things about me that need changes and as my eyes take in the words she had written on each page my heart kept on breaking over and over. I close the book after reading it, with my heart paining so much it’s as if a hand is clutching it so hard, Tears fall from my eyes, as my chest start to heave as a rippling sob that escapes my mouth, pain, is all I feel, it’s almost close to the same pain that I’ve caused. The book clearly and vividly shows how much has my Nazzy has suffered on my hands.

I sob so hard with as I hold the book, close to myself. Not caring that, my son will see me as a weak father. All, the memories come back to me one after the other. Both the good memories and the bad ones. My heart had its own method of punishing me and eventually I break down with each memory that flashes into my mind.

How could I kill her, how could I kill the woman that had loved so much………….

My little Nazzy saw me as her savior, her knight in shining armor, she believed in me, trusted me even when Humayra had once approached her with fake love messages claiming they were from me, that I was cheating on Nazreen with her. My wife still trusted me and had faith in me that I wouldn’t do it. Yet when the tables were turned I wasn’t able to be honorable like her. I failed to give her the benefit if doubt.

I truly have failed as a husband, a lover and a protector……...

“I guess now your starting to get an inkling of the pain and suffering you’ve cause her and how you’ve killed the innocent, naïve girl leaving behind a shell of a woman who is only breathing, waiting for death to embrace her” Aziz spoke causing a whimper to escape from my mouth, seeing that am still looking down at the book in my hands he adds, “hope you’ve also read about the part where, you killed your own child” tears keep falling in my eyes at his added statement, what kind of a person am I, killed my own child.  I didn’t speak a word, I couldn’t even if I try to.

“Let him suffer, Aziz. He truly deserves to feel the pain that my Nazreen felt? My poor Nazreen loved him blindly with her whole heart. And what did he give her in return for her love, he gave her nothing but scars that are open for everyone to see.”  The air got sucked out of me when my own mother spoke these harsh words. But I can’t blame her, as I’ve disappointed her in a way that no should ever do. “I just wonder, where did I go wrong?” she asks looking at me, with tears in her eyes. “Sometimes, I feel like it’s my fault for bringing her into his life, maybe if I didn’t ask for her hand in marriage on behalf of my son, then maybe she would’ve been saved from such betrayal” her quivering voice mutters.

“iii…..it’ss…. nnnooot… yourrrr…. Fffffffault mama…...” I stummer as I get up from where am sitting, going to stand before I kneel down. Then take her hand into mine, however, she flinches as if am about to hit her and nothing in the world can hurt me than the thought of my own mother being afraid of me

“Once upon a time, we would’ve hugged you and told you that everything will be alright, but not anymore Anwar” My mother pushes me causing me to fall into a sitting position. Getting up from where she was sitting she looks at me with hatred in her eyes.

Dragging myself out of the sitting room with Nazreen’s book in my hand, head to the bathroom that is connected to my room and start to take ablution. Something that I’ve not done in 11 years. Maybe Allah (S.W) is punishing me for abandoning him.

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“Ya Allah, the almighty lord, the one who is the most powerful the most merciful. Ya Rab, I fold and pray before you to please forgive my sins, please forgive me for foresakening you. Ya Khuda, please enable me to succeed on this battle that am going to be fighting, please enable me to fix what I have broken. Ask help from because no one in this world has power other than you. Ameen” after making the dua, I pull qur’an from the shelf that is placed before me.

A sound of My bedroom door opening causes me to close the qur’an and to turn to, Bilal and Ayaan. Ayaan run to me and lays his head on my lap. I place my hand on his head and play with his hairs, “Ayaan, when did you finish to play? And did you take a bath?” I asked him scared that Nazreen is all alone. He gets up from my lap and flashes me his innocent smile “a while back dad and yes I have taken bath, see I have got clean clothes on” he makes a cute hand gesture on his attire, causing me and Bilaal to chuckle at the way he seriously spoke.

However, we stop laughing as a sound of my bedroom door being knocked is heard, Bilaal gets up and opens it only to be met with Nazreen’s nurse who greets us then turns to me, causing my heartbeat to increase. As thoughts of something bad has happened to my Nazzy. Before I could question her if everything is alright, she beats me to it as she delivers the news that, “Sir, Ma’am is awake”