Find me in the shadows (Darklina fanfic)

Chapter 1

"Light and shadow are opposite sides of the same coin. We can illuminate our paths or darken our way. It is a matter of choice."

— Maya Angelou

These days I liked to play with shadows, they danced around me when no one saw. This power felt different, not like the easiness of light, but it gave me confidence. People around were scared of this power, it reminded him... Playing with shadows reminded me of him too.

    Sometimes, I thought that he'd been the only person who had needed me for who I was. Not because, I was a perfect Queen for this country, a reassurance of someone's claim to the throne, or not because of some magic trick. Mal had never loved me for real. Maybe old Morozova had known that I was meant to be with his grandson. So one orphan girl would get all amplifiers to be equal to his successor. To make a balance. Or this had been a cruel joke of destiny, we had been made for each other in the Making at the Heart of the world, with the big time gap between us, just to kill each other in the end.

    I saw him in my dreams. Occasionally, I could think that it was still our connection. But in these dreams everything was different. We didn't talk. His face was without scars, perfect as I could remember. He looked at me with love, smiling, as he finally found his peace. I pried for him to find peace, even though I didn't believe in any saints. I woke up with a feeling of happiness after such dreams. As he watched over me from the Making at the Heart of the world. This thought made me feel not alone.

    Moreover, I had other dreams, in which I was still holding that sword. I saw his eyes, how life left them. I heard him whispering My little saint. I will never forget his eyes when I put a sword in his heart.

    A knock on the door made me hide my shadows. They ran from me to the corners of a room.

    Nikolai entered a room with his typical smile on his lips. My future husband... but I felt nothing to him. I had felt an attraction to him before, but then just an emptiness. So I faked a polite smile.

    "My Queen," he said, with a bow.

    I liked this appellation.

    "Such official," I replied. "I'm not a queen... yet." The answer suited old Alina.

    "Are you ready for tomorrow?" He sat in the chair in front of me, even his movements were noble.

    "I don't think I will ever be ready. I was born as a peasant." What a lie, I was born for more. "And now I will become a queen." But is it the right king beside me?

    "You couldn't know where your life brought you."

    Aleksander knew. I nodded.

    "I know I'm not the one you want to see as your husband," he said, looking down at his hands.

    Of course, you are not. The boy, I have loved since I was a child, doesn't love me anymore because all his love was fake, made by magic bound. And the man, I fell in love with against all odds, is dead. I saw his flesh turned to ashes.

    "But I will do anything to make you happy," Nikolai continued.

    No one will now.

    "And I want you to know..." He paused and released a breath. "I will not touch you until you want me. I will never force you into any physical relations."

    I almost laughed. Such an honorable prince.

    "Thank you, Nikolai." I made my countenance like as if I was impressed by his kindness.