Trouble Times Two

Chapter Forty-Four

Some random Saturday

It was starting to near twelve when I get an email from Mrs. FB saying that she was running late.

My God, this woman was worse than her wife.

A distinct memory from my childhood was Holly being late to every event possible because our parents spoilt her to a point where she expected events to be held up for her.

I had no doubts that she was still a spoilt little bitch to this day. 

I remember Joni giving her everything she ever wanted, along with Sade and Madge as well. That was hard for me to process as a child.

I was literally just trying to bond with my siblings. I didn't want anything from Joni.

It was everyone but me who got nice things and I was the carrier of all the burden that everyone had brought with them because, again, I was the fucking scapegoat.

In some families, like Lola's, she was the scapegoat older child who was blamed for all her younger siblings misgivings, often with the idea that she didn't set a good enough example, even though she was not their parent.

Courtney, the middle child, often fell blame to her brothers shit even though she was an amazing person and child to her parents. However, that wasn't in serious situations, just in things that could've been prevented with her being the smart one.

I was confident that there was just one person who become to natural scapegoat because they were different, me because I was angry and loud, Lola because she was naughty and Courtney because she was smart.

I'd noticed in other families who was the scapegoat from one simple interaction with all of them.

Donovan was the scapegoat in his, even if it was in a subtle way and to an extent, I understood him pushing curfews and stuff like that but not drinking and doing drugs.

I was starting to piece together that whatever his issues are, were definitely caused by trauma that effected in him in ways in which he was not comfortable in addressing, or even thinking of because he was clearly numbing his pain.

I wish I could help him but I just wasn't that person for him.

Not right now and probably not ever.

I still had my own shit to get through.

Mrs. FB eventually comes in and she rushes in and sits down in her desk, straightening her clothes out and pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

"Sorry guys, my wife literally just told me she's three months pregnant and I got super emotional and had to take several moments." She takes a few deep breaths.

"Congratulations and blessings to you and your wife." Donovan is sweet talking her and I just throw him a look. "Congratulate her." He leans in and whispers and I push him away while she's still focused on logging in.

"Congratulations." I say with little enthusiasm because I did not care for sweet talking, boot licking or sucking up to the teacher. I was especially not eager to congratulate her because of who her child was with.

"Thank you guys, it's just a little surreal because we started our new IVF journey as soon as we could after having Sean and Braxton. We didn't know if we'd have another opportunity to have babies again. Braxton was stillborn." Another wound to the chest was reopened.

I wasn't meant to be the last child, around the time I was five years old. I was a little bit naughty but not causing stress to my heavily pregnant mother.

When she gave birth, the baby was stillborn.

She cried for days when she got home and barely came out of her room. Joni flew over, to 'take care of us.'

In fact, all she did, was gather all of us in a room together and tell that if I hadn't been naughty, the baby would still be alive.

I later found out that my mother knew the baby was dead but carried it to term as she was too traumatised to abort.

She caught cytomegalovirus, or CMV, by cheating on my father, something which he didn't know.

Something none of us knew. I had medical records so I could never have that held against me, not that it could even be remotely true.

Does FB know she married a monster?

I remember Holly blaming me with all her heart that I was the cause of the stillbirth.

I remember crying in bed with my mom, who had no clue what was going on, apologising.

Only for her to tell me that I did nothing wrong.

"So you guys started doing better after the wedding and you spent a lot of time together. Donovan, tell me, what was your favourite task to do with the baby and Giana." Donovan stupidly starts speaking.

I know from the look on her face that she knows what went on.

"Going to the park was always fun." I shake my head in disbelief, and her smiles drop.

"I was giving you an opportunity to 'fess up there because I know you have done near to nothing in this project." She shakes her head and starts rummaging through her papers.

"I don't have the exact locations of where you guys are obviously, but it says how long the bands stay together, when they separate and if they are in different places. I find it interesting that on Giana's day, the baby's need were always met within 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes maximum, but on your days the baby just cried over and over again until the next day on Giana's day where it would be cared for again." I hated that. I hated that I couldn't find the motivation to make this work.

"I also know for a fact that you were shooting back whiskey shots with my nephew at his party last night, which he got into a lot of trouble with me for throwing. While I was helping him clean up, you were passed out on his bed and yet the bands came here the same way. You guys were clearly not together. So Giana, you'll be getting a B and not an A purely for the fact that you did not put your foot down with Donovan and Donovan, you are failing. Giana, complete this and then I may push your grade up, depending on how I'm feeling." I felt so sad about this. Why do I have to suffer because of Donovan?

I put the baby down but she tells me to grab it again.

"I need to take a photo of you guys with the baby." We stand up and awkwardly pose with the baby before I actually put it down and leave the classroom.

"Why did you have to mess it up for me? Why couldn't you have just looked after the baby for the whole time?" I turn around and shove him into the lockers.

"Don't you ever suggest shit like that again! You were the one who was irresponsible and disrespected my free time by thinking I'd look after that thing the whole time. Next time, take some responsibility and do the damn project. I'm not your mother, I don't have to do anything for you and I have no obligation to you, so get a life, a proper, a real, a fulfilling life and learn to work with other people instead of making them your enemies. Just know that I tried protecting you and you were the one who messed it up so leave it alone now. In fact, leave me alone now." I walk off.

Mrs. FB leaves her classroom.

"Complete those questions now and I'll make it an A plus." She says, so I go back into her classroom and do the questions.

I thank her for teaching me some essential skills, and she thanks me for trying my hardest at this.