Trouble Times Two

Chapter Fifty-Five

Saturday

I try to get back into Donovan's room but it's locked and I stupidly had left my keys inside so now I was stuck here.

I knock on the door but to no avail. Donovan was not here.

Maybe he didn't notice me here. That's a lie. He almost certainly did and probably locked me out on purpose, thinking I'd go home.

I go to the edge of the balcony and climb onto the tree and clime down and knock on the door and Maisie answers.

"I wondered where you were. Everyone said you just left after dinner and then they didn't know where you were." Maisie hugs me and I feel something kick.

It was her babies, kicking me. I was amazed.

"I think they like you a lot sweetheart. Come on, you need some sleep, you look exhausted. You're sleeping in Donovan's room and he's sleeping on the couch after the stunt he's been pulling, according to his siblings. Dacre's really getting into a tizzy about it, bless his soul. I don't actually know where Donovan is right now but he knows where he's sleeping so if he gives you any issues just come and get us." I nod but I won't, I'd just go to the couch or go back to my house and come back in the morning.

I am in a place where I just wanted to avoid conflict and everything.

I get to Donovan's room and look in his laundry and notice that it's not been done and there's no sheets in the pile, so I strip the bed and put on new ones because he's literally had sex on these sheets.

I take off my hoodie and put on one of Donovan's t-shirts which Paisley gave to me, saying that I'd literally boil to death if I wore my hoodie to sleep.

I look at myself in his mirror but realise I can't do that all the time, it just makes me hate myself even more and I cover it, subtly. It's his room so I can't just completely cover it, so I opt to put my hoodie over it. The constant body checking was enough to send me into a spiral. I had to stop before it became too much to bare.

I make sure all the windows are secure, that his balcony door is locked and then turn off all the lights and run to the bed and lie down.

I was scared, not just of the dark but the emptiness too.

Wilderness made me fearful of the dark, where we'd be dragged out of the bed and forced to do child labour in the freezing cold and the burning hot sun so that we could 'learn a lesson.' The only lesson I learnt is to be scared. To fear for my life. That being neurodivergent is a sickness that I deserve to be punished for.

I start thinking about what my sisters said to me and how much it hurt to hear them say that. I don't think I processed it in the chaos of today but it had been a long day and I start to feel my eyes water and tears start to roll down my face.

I feel all the tears get soaked up by the pillow and the door opens. I can't look at whoever it is. I know it must be Donovan but he can't see me cry. It was so embarrassing.

I turn my face into the pillow and he turns on his lamp.

"Oh get out of my bed Blackwell." I stand up and grab the pillow. "Sleeping on my side of the bed and wearing my clothes as well. Annoying as hell."

He starts getting changed or something but I'm pretty sure he's occupied so I go to the mirror, grab my hoodie and put it on.

I try not to look in the mirror but I do. My eyes are all puffy and red and it's fairly obvious that I've been crying.

When I'm walking to his dresser where I have my phone on charge, I bump into Donovan as I'm looking down but move past him. He grabs his pillow. I let him have it.

"Why are you not arguing with me? Are you ill? Well even if you are, you're not staying in my bed this time." Donovan chuckles to himself as he takes his pillow and pats it down on his bed emphatically, probably just in an attempt to annoy me. It wasn't working. I was too focused on trying not to break down even more to even try and react to his behaviour.

I try to get my phone and charger but he turns off the lamp and I can't see a thing. I stub my toe and nearly hiss in pain but catch myself. I didn't react when I got stabbed so if he hears me hiss, he might think I've gone crazy.

I just sit down on the floor and take a break from trying to find and just cry some more as the silent tears still flow out of my eyes. I feel my chest constrict as I try to make him not hear me.

I lie down on the floor and curl into a ball as I try so very hard to calm myself down but it's hard because with every breath, I get more upset. I wish I could be asleep right now, in fact, I wish I'd have fell asleep instead of crying like a pussy.

Donovan moves around, he shuffles a lot and when I finally think he's asleep, he moves a lot.

"Why is my pillow wet! Blackwell, I know you're still in here and I know you're the culprit!" He turns on the light and I wipe my face with my hoodie and sit up.

He throws it at me.

"You can have it." He says.

"I'll change it and you can have it back." I say and go get a pillowcase from the closet they're in and then come back and replace it before giving it back to him.

"What's wrong with your face?" He asks and I avoid looking at him.

"I don't know. I need to go." I say but he catches my arm.

"What is wrong with your face?" He asks me again.