Trouble Times Two

Chapter Fifty-Four

Saturday

Everybody had started to make their way back to the Shepherd's home if they weren't already here, well almost everybody. I still hasn't heard of Donovan or his friends being back in the house.

Everyone was starting to enter the kitchen, they all pretty much said the same thing, they held out on food just so they could enjoy their mothers food and I realised how lucky I was to get a meal like this.

How lucky I was to even have gotten out of wilderness to get hot meals in juvie and army school.

Sure the food in juvie was a little bland and uninspired but it filled me up.

In military school, regardless of why we were there, we had access to extra hot meals from six in the morning all the way to nine at night and compulsory meals were provided to us at set times anyways.

The only requirements were that we had some money on our schools accounts and that we get the food in our free time, which was reasonable. There was also food in vending machines all around the place in case we needed something to munch on.

It wasn't a school with stupid rules such as lights out. We were taught independence and consequence of actions and actually, we did a lot better than other military schools in the state. Jess and I were just lucky we were sent there.

I sit silently at the table as it starts filling up and the seats next to me are left untouched when everyone starts eating, knowing Donovan won't be here on time. I take a small amount of food and just eat quietly but I can't really get through it. I realise that my anxiety has been making me really ill. I didn't know who to speak about it too, there's no one in my life who I wanted to stress out with MY issues, so this was just another thing I should keep to myself because other people don't need to carry MY burden.

The dining room door opens and Donovan and the girl walks in and take a seat. All of Donovan's younger siblings stop their conversation and resume them when they give each other a look and gain an understanding of the situation.

The girl and Donovan didn't even say hello to anyone before they started taking food and starting their own conversation. I can see that no one was really a fan of her which made me realise that Donovan didn't actually like her, he just enjoyed bringing someone around who his family objected to.

I eventually finish my food, get up and put my plate away and when I try to sit back down, the girl won't move out of my way so I end up having to walk over her and Donovan.

My phone starts ringing and I don't know who it is. The number is unknown and I'm better off not answering it. However it starts ringing again and I know it must be urgent.

This time, when I stand up, everybody on my other side gets up and I thank them as I hop over them all as quickly as possible.

I go to the living room and answer the call.

"You bitch! First you take our house from us and now your leaving us out of it! You're so selfish bur we all know how you were going to end up anyway." Holly sounds insane.

"Yeah and what did you do to deserve the house? All you did was be a misbehaved kid who had no prospects. you're a failure!" Madge. "You're a fucking failure!"

I don't say anything and cut the phone and place it back it into my pocket.

I get up and the girl is waiting for me outside the door, clearly trying to listen in.

"Why are you here?" She asks me and I ignore her and try to walk past but she pulls on my hair. I try again to leave but she pulls me back again.

"I was invited here." I try to leave again and she pulls on me again. "Can you stop doing that?"

"No! How dare you take the invitation! You have no right to be here. I have every right." She says and I laugh.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Because Donovan likes me and wants me to meet his family. His family like me more than you." She is delusional but I'll let her have it.

"No we don't." Dina is here and I'm guessing she's heard it all. "Donovan certainly doesn't like you either, he just brought you here so that he can annoy us. I'm sorry he's done that but we don't like you. You don't harass any of our guests and think you're staying here. So get out."

The girl looks at me and I shrug.

"I'm not involved. How you present yourself is on you, not me." I walk away and go back to the living room and Donovan leaves after getting a message.

We can all hear shouting but everyone chooses to ignore it and we all talk some more but I'm in a mood. I'm trying not to show it but I excuse myself to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror.

I can't do this right now. I get out and run into Donovan but I ignore him and go to the balcony and sit down on his side and look out.

I'm distraught. This is my life now, this is how my life always was. The punching bag to my siblings and specifically, my sisters. I didn't understand why. There was no reason to be jealous of me, they always got what they wanted, not me. I didn't get attention, or affection.

Were they just mean and rotten to the core?

I bring my head to my knees and lay against them as I'm left with my thoughts and feel the hatred that I feel already for myself course through my body. Knowing other people hated me as much as I hated myself didn't help.